Nora's Next Night!

We had a great night! DH and I napped in the evening from 7 till bout 10, then I went in with her for a while. Her schedule is to eat/change/do temp, etc. at 9, 12, 3 and 6 around the clock, so I wasn't there to feed her at 9.

Around 10:30 she was fussing, so the nurse gave her to me and we napped together until it was feeding time at midnight. I got to change her diaper, take her temperature, and feed her, and she at most of the 15 cc's of formula from the bottle! She also gave her momma a good burp...it's so amazing what's "cute" but something so small letting out a belch like that IS cute! lol

Around 1 a.m. I went back to the room and did my routine of meds, pumping, etc. Then I went to sleep until 6:30. Brian got up at 3 and fed her at the 3 a.m. feeding, then slept with her in NICU until the 6 a.m. feeding. When I got there, he was feeding her, and she ate 20 cc's!
Nora has been unhooked from the IV feed, since she's eating enough on her own, and after the blood sugar test this morning, she should have the IV port completely removed!

She's also being watched for jaundice since her numbers are showing that might be coming on.

My Mom is staying all this week...I should get checked out of the hospital tomorrow, and I'm not sure yet how much longer Nora will stay. Probably at least through the weekend.

I'm feeling good physically! Sore, but not horrible pain. I just keep reminding myself to take it easy!

Here's our first family photo! Sorry I look like a deer in the headlights, but it's early! :)

Quick Pic

We had a great day today...Nora ate more from the bottle, kept working on breast feeding, and just seemed to get even cuter.

I didn't realize that being born and all would make her so puffy looking, but today her features are standing out more, and I can see some similarities with me too!

I'm too exhausted to type, so it's nap time for me as well, but I couldn't go to bed without sharing a favorite picture of the day. There's nothing quite like being The One that calms our girl down!

Nora Update

I an SO proud of Brian...he spent the whole night in the NICU with Nora, so he got to be there for every feeding, changed her diaper, and knows way more than I do about every little procedure. You should see how his talking about her or to her just lights him up. Oh how he loves being a daddy! I saw him around 1:30 a.m., and he came in at 6:30 a.m. again to give us the great news about how she did overnight, since we have big progress about our girl!

First of all, she's OFF the CPAP since they took her off when I was there yesterday eveniing -- so that means she's breathing on her own very well!

At her 9 p.m. feeding last night, instead of a tube, they were able to give her 5 cc's of food through a bottle! She was very tired from it, so she had it put in her tummy after that, but she did great and Brian got to be the one to feed her.

They measure the food in her tummy (pull it out with a syringe then put it back) so they can tell if she's started digesting, and up until 6 a.m., she hadn't digested anything and all her nutrition was coming from the IV. Well, when Brian changed her diapers this morning at 6 a.m., Nora made her very first POOP, AND she only had 5 ccs of the 20 she had put in her tummy in the past 24 hours, so that means she's started to digest too!

I've been trying to pump every three hours since 3:30 yesterday, and still haven't gotten anything. They gave me a big hospital industrial double pump, but aside from a drop there's nothing there yet. I'll talk to the nurse about what needs to be done other than practice!

It's late Tueday morning, and I just got back from a couple hours with Nora in NICU...

I got to change her diaper for the first time.

We sat "Kangaroo Style" (with her skin on skin to my chest), and the first thing she did was to go moving towards my breast. So we went head and let her go for it. She didn't get anything but the experience!

Then the nurse was going to put tube down to feed her and I asked if we could at least try the bottle since she seemed ok with sucking, and she got another bottle down.

Then after burping her she settle in to being held next to me skin-on-skin, we just sat together and napped for over an hour. She is just a little cuddly monkey!
This picture of her is from when Mom & Jill saw her the first time, I just love their smiles!

Her oxygen saturation is 100%, her BP was around 70/50 and her heart rate is right on about 130s, all where it needs to be. She's less swollen around her nose and face, so she's even cuter than she was yesterday! LOL

I just got back to the room so I could eat something, and get my catheter and IV out, take a shower.

Physically, I am doing VERY well. I'm shocked at how effective the drugs are, because it's relatively easy to get around. Of course it's no picnic, but not nearly as painful as I thought it would be. And now I'm heading back to spend the afternoon with our girl!

Thanks everyone, for all the well wishes...We are having the time of our lives!

Jules

Just Got Back from NICU:

I can't believe how wonderful my little girl is. Wowie.

I got to hold her for an hour, and she's doing so well we took the CPAP off and her hat too to see how she did without it. They won't take it off permanently yet -- they figure maybe even tomorrow, but she did wonderfully!
Brian and I got some time alone when the family left, and we marveled at our girl...she even OPENED HER EYES and just gazed and gazed at both of us as we spoke to her.

We are so in love. Brian isn't even sleeping in the room with me tonight. He's going to be in the NICU with her. I guess I have some competition for his heart! :)

Here's our pics from our visit. Check out my daughter...whose full name is now Nora Rachel M.!

She's HERE!!!!

Well, what can I say...I have never seen someone so beautiful. She is amazing.

Our daughter Nora was born at 8:59 a.m. after bleeding off and on all night, and a scuffle with a perinatologist, first who wanted to wait, but later (after a lot more bleeding), got on board.

She weighs 4 lbs 15 oz., is 17.5 inches long, and has some blond hair. I think she looks just like Brian!

Dr. Abel came and assisted with the surgery...in fact Brian watched and said he did Dr. Abel did the bulk of the surgery.

She came out crying, which was of course, the best sound in the world. After a couple of hours in recovery they took me back to see/hold her. Wow. What a feeling. I still can't believe she's ours

Here's a few pictures. I'm on drugs and tired and need to send an e-mail out too. So the rest of the story comes later. We're doing fine though!

The Baby Shower I Never Thought Would Happen

After all the baby showers I've been to, or even been through...it was finally our turn to celebrate the coming birth of our baby and have a shower for our baby girl.

As you can imagine, it's been tough to move halfway across the country away from good friends, then to be hospitalized right at the time I was supposed to be shopping for baby stuff, and suddenly we realized we were in no way prepared to have a baby come home with us.

Fortunately for us, our families stepped in and decided to throw us a shower, right here in my hospital room.
Unorthodox? You bet. Miss Manners would probably have a stroke knowing that my family threw one for me, since I have read more than once that they're not technically supposed to.

But then it doesn't really matter since it was an impromptu shower and only family was there for it.
Yesterday was such a fun day. I was so surprised by how "all-out" my family went to throw us the shower. My sister-in-law Julie was "in her element" my Mom said...apparently I'm not the only Julie in the family who's a pathological planner and loves to put together a good time!

She brought balloons and held them down with baby items I found later, like binkies, bibs and other things. A platter of Subway sandwiches and goodies were ordered, and best of all, an ice cream cake!
My sister bought me this cute little fleece outfit from REI (left), my little brother Jer and his wife Stephanie sent this cute little orange T and cammo number from The Baby Gap (above) and Joel sent this red hot chili pepper Halloween costume from New York (below).
My sister Judy brought some clothes and blankets that were heirlooms, from some dresses my Mom and aunts wore as children (made by my great-grandma), to a heritage Broncos crib sheet I had made for them when their baby was small too. Along with diapering supplies, and everything else (the list is just so long), it took hours to open it all!
Did I mention how good the ice cream cake was?

So was the kiss I got for buying Brian a new camera. It was a great surprise, and I think he's really happy with it!

I can't thank everyone enough who sent things to us...it was such an overwhelmingly great day, I think we were all exhausted at the end of it, but we had a great time.

Shhhhhhhhhh. Wanna Know A Secret?

My husband Brian rarely if ever reads my blog.

He really should start, but hey, you can't make him, right?

Today a lot of my family is coming over to the hospital to do an impromptu baby shower. Brian wasn't sure if he should stick around or if this was one of those "girl things" he should make himself scarce for a few hours.

Well, there will be lots of manfolk around. We Democrats like to get all egalitarian about showers and stuff. Mostly because -- at least in my opinion -- if there's going to be a chance of a game involving clothes pins or plastic babies frozen in ice, then I shouldn't have to go through it alone, and men should share equally in the general misery.

Now, I know today it won't be THAT kind of overdone perky shower that makes people like me want to barf...

But the real reason I want Brian there is because I bought him a present, and he's going to freak out. In a good way.

You see, he has never had a new camera that someone else hasn't used before it was given to him. He was all primed to get my Sony 3.2 MP camera when I dropped it too hard, and it only shot in hues of blue.

Last Christmas, he bought me a beautiful new Kodak Easyshare with 7.2 MP, but he got bupkus for a new camera.

He's even said several times "I have never had a new camera, I always get hand-me-downs."

Us poor middle kids. We always have something that we've never gotten new.

Then the other day when I asked him to take a picture, his 2.0 Sony that I bought back in like 2002 came out. Heck, I don't even know where the card reader is for that camera anymore, not to mention the fact that the pictures come out looking like garbage compared to what new cameras can do today.

So, I got him this lovely Kodak at 50% off on Amazon and had it speed shipped so it would be here today. It's small like he likes them, but with 6.0 MP, and a 1 gig card.

He's going to be in heaven.

And he gets to do it while shooting brand new pictures of his DAUGHTER as early as next week or the week after.

That just makes me smile.

For Teri

It's 3 a.m., nothing's wrong with me except for the fact that I'm awake.

I had a little bleeding yesterday about this time, but this morning I'm fine. Just unable to sleep for a while.

I've learned to stop tossing and turning and just get up. That is, after all, what a laptop with wi-fi is for I'd say. Well, that and a blog.

When I checked my e-mail, I found out my friend Teri's brother Ray had died. My friend Teri is on a camino -- a pilgramage walk through 500 miles of Spain for 6 weeks -- and therefore is too far away to hug, call or do much more than e-mail and let her know I'm sorry for her loss, and hope she gets to a town where she has time to check in at an internet cafe.

It doesn't make much of a difference that her brother had been ill. When you lose someone that close it has to hurt, and when you're overseas when it happens, it's that much harder in some respects. With no one to really share the loss with who knew the person, and unable to share in the rituals of any services and family get-togethers, I imagine it makes it harder as well.

Prayers and positive thoughts for Teri today, as she walks her camino and grieves her loss.

Field Trip Day!

My Mom came up and spent most of the day with me yesterday.

Late in the afternoon, my Mom was leaving the room to go get a chocolate bar (even though we are well-stocked with chocolate in the room), I asked her to check with the nurses to see if I could go on a ride with her downstairs.

Fortunately, Dr. A was right there, and he said we had 30 minutes. It may not sound like much time, and it isn't...but it got me downstairs and outside. First we went to the gift shop, where we tried on the hats. It's been so long since I've been downstairs that the Halloween stuff has come out! It was odd to think I'd been in here long enough...but then I cheered up when I realized I'll be home with our baby before Halloween actually gets here.

Then we headed outside. Mom drove my wheelchair down to the very opposite end of the hospital, where we sat for a few minutes in the sun, looking at a very pretty water fountain. It just felt SO good to breathe fresh air and sit in the sun.
It's amazing how observant you get when you've spent a month staring at four walls and nothing else. Suddenly I realized how much we take for granted in our day-to-day existence as here I was trying to notice every litle flower, plant, and thing that passed in front of us.

As we went back towards the door, I saw a Mom with her two little girls outside. The bigger girl, who looked to be about 3 or 4, had monitors glued on her chest and an IV port similar to mine. She looked as thrilled as I did to be outside, while Mom chased down the baby who was crawling into my path on the sidewalk. I thought about how just 8 months from now or so, I'll be chasing down my little cruiser!

Then it was time to head back. My nurses today, Jean and Judi, were both at the nurse's station as I headed back to my room. Jean checked her watch and joked that I was a minute late (she's an Army Nurse going back for a tour in Iraq soon, so I wasn't going to argue). That's Jean on the left and Judi on the right.

I didn't realize how many rooms away I'd moved until my trip yesterday either. The row I'm on is known as Ante-partum Row, or "Ante-Land" to the nurses. We're all the ones who are on strict bedrest until we deliver and I'm now the most senior girl here. Not just in age, mind you, but in gestational age for the baby and/or the length of time I've been here. I haven't figured that out yet.

It doesn't matter much, except that I'm that much closer to getting out of here, because our girl will be born soon. And I'm all about that!

Things That Don't Go Bump at 4 A.M.

My daughter apparently seems to think that it's perfectly ok to sleep at night.

I'm fast approaching the end of my 8th month of pregnancy, and surprise! it's getting harder and harder for me to sleep at night.

First of all, I'm in a strange bed. You'd think after 30 days in the hole here, that I'd be used to it, but I don't have a queen size bed to hog, and I believe this mattress has a plastic cover on it so it's kinda noisy too.

Plus, I'm just getting to cow-size so rolling over on a 38-inch-wide twin bed is difficult. I can only sleep on the left side or the right, and I can make it to my back, but then I feel like a turtle stuck on its shell with me wanting to wake up Brian and get him to help me get the rest of the way over.

But I'm nice enough not to do that. Yet.

Well, this morning I woke up to go to the bathroom for what must have been at least the 5th time, and when I got back to bed, I realized I hadn't felt the baby so much as flutter, much less kick or punch me for most of the night.

Now, I'm not supposed to panic and all that, or so I tell myself in the fog of my half-sleep I'm in.

Then I start poking my belly, and nothing. She's asleep and apparently does NOT want to be disturbed.

So I poke some more. Not hard, just a little "c'mon, honey. If I can sleep, you can sleep."

Nope. She's still not getting up to satisfy me.

So, out comes the Doppler. Ok, so if I can just hear her heartbeat for one second, I'll settle down. I take it out, turn down the volume, and in a flash, there she is. Slow 138 bpm heart rate of a baby asleep.

I keep my promise and turn off the machine, and go back to trying to sleep.

So guess who wakes up?

Yup.

She's been kicking me ever since this morning.

"Stay Boring, Julie"

It's Day 30 of my incarceration in this hospital. Yeah, some days just feel like incarceration, so I'm telling it like it is.

There is no escaping it today. No walking in the prison yard, no visitors. I have to stay put, and I am willing to bet if I so much as stuck my head out in the hall, it would be told to get back in bed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know it's all good for me and the baby. But some days...

On the brighter side, I had a fourth day and night in a row with no bleeding, so that's good.

On the not-so-brighter side, last night I had a mini-meltdown over the fact that we are not nearly prepared to take a baby home, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.

Well, almost nothing.

Most people when they have normal babies under normal circumstances, get all this time to prepare. They pick out clothes, diapering "systems" and baby furniture, and get to put it all into place.

Brian was sort of relieved that I was freaking out a bit, because that means movement. He asked me a few weeks ago, early (in the sentencing phase when we weren't sure I'd be on the inside lo these many weeks) if he should get a car seat installed. I said "nah, we'll have plenty of time for that when she's out and spending time in the NICU".

Well, here we are approaching 34 weeks, and it's very possible she won't have much time if any to speak of in the NICU. She could conceivably go home with us when I get out several days after my c-section.

So, I asked my Mom to bring me her clothes that my friend Delois gave me so I can go through them here. I need the box o' baby stuff I bought before getting in here because aside from some Pampers, I can't remember what I bought.

I asked Brian if he'd go down to the house on Sunday and get the baby bed stuff set up, and see about getting a dresser in the house so we can put her clothes away and figure out where the changing table we don't have yet will go. I still need to see what we have to change those infinite dipes.

I guess I was able to put this off for a pretty long time, but suddenly, it feels like it's going to happen RIGHT NOW and we need to be prepared. Brian said last night that he realized maybe the reason I just didn't want to get ready any sooner was because we've always had that feeling of "let's see if it works out"...and now we're at the point where it not only looks like it will, but we need to do something about it.

So we are.

Dr. A just came in and said he had nothing new to say to me.

"You got nothin?" I asked.

"Nope," he said. "Just stay boring, Julie."

Mmmm hmmm. That's me!

Remembering

If you click on the title of this post, it'll take you to a tribute I wrote last year for Fred Cox, Jr., a friend of a friend of mine who died in the twin towers.

It doesn't matter where you were on 9/11 in 2001 when all the world stood still.

Chances are you remember exactly what you were doing, how your heard, and how you felt as you found out that those two planes had slammed into the World Trade Center, then the Pentagon, then that field in Pennsylvania.

If you do nothing else today, reflect upon what happened 6 years ago, and think of those 2,996 who died that day, and the many since in wars and other terrorist attacks.

Your politics aren't important today, just keep the memories of those alive by pausing and giving them some honor in your day.

The Shift

There's this funny thing that happens with each passing week when the Perinatologists come in.

Each week causes a shift in discussion as our girl makes another important transition of development.

When we first got to the hospital we were 29 weeks, and all they could really tell me was that she was "very likely to be ok" if born that day.

After that, 30 and 31 were met with more reassurances, and the goal of making it to the all-importnt 32.

Last week, it was a celebration of "you made it to 32 weeks" -- a big milestone that meant our girl's odds of survival were as good as a full-termer, only with time in the NICU required.

Today is Sunday, and after the compulsory weigh-in that does nothing but make me do math in my head that no woman wants to do...I am at 33 weeks, and again there was a shift in talk.

Dr. L came in and said some magic words, "Start thinking about dates," he said. "for an elective c-section."

Then he corrected himself. It's not elective, per se, I have to have one, but I could conceivably pick the date after 35 or 36 weeks, depending on how she's measuring.

Of course, that's if they don't have to take her before then...which is what I fully expect.

But just the fact that I can look at this month's calendar and start wondering what a good date would be...well, that's seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!

All The If's...

If I make it to full term -- 40 weeks -- I only have 50 days left in this pregnancy.

I have absolutely no expectations of that, in fact it's impossible, since no doctor will let me go past 36-37 weeks max.

If I make it to what the doctors WANT me to make it to -- 36 weeks -- I have 21 days.

If I make it as far as I think I will, I have maybe 1-2 more weeks, closer to 34-35 weeks.

If we even make it into next week, our baby will weigh somewhere near 5 lbs.

I've just had too much bleeding this past week to think I'll go much further. I believe it will keep going, and no one here is arguing with me. It's what previas do.

Dr. P. stopped by today. He's my favorite among the Perinatologists because he has a sense of humor, but also tells it like it is. He's a transplant from Denver too, so he automatically gets points with us.

He told me today that now that we're at 33 weeks, they are "a lot less tolerant" of bleeds, since the baby's cooked enough they don't have to go crazy trying to keep me pregnant anymore.

I know that might sound strange, but after 27 days in the hole here, it's oddly comforting.

And for those of you who think I'm being a good sport about all this, I willfully admit that I'm sick of staring at these four walls, and have dreams of escaping this place by dressing up in my husband's clothes and trying to Commando Crawl out of here just long enough to go to the Starbucks up the street, order my own latte the way I like it, and read a newspaper or book in an oversized chair with armrests I can eat a meal off of.

If only for a few minutes...

The Quilt of Loving Kindness

I've never been so touched in all my life.

I know several of my readers are PALP members...many of you have only heard me talk of "my board" or my "online support group for pregnancy loss" that I've belonged to for the past 5 years.

Today, Melinda, one of my PALP friends and who lives nearby and had 3 of her own babies in the very hospital I am in, came by under the guise of bringing my Olive Garden pasta, and in addition to, came bearing some beautiful gifts from Kelly, Michele, and a host of PALP ladies who all contributed to a quilt for my daughter.

Here's the inside of the card:

You often craft quilts
with others in mind;
You give them as gifts
each one of a kind.

But this time for you,
a quilt has been born;
With pieces of fabric
all broke in and worn.

The squares have been cut
from blankets and clothes
That once covered bottoms
and fingers and toes.

Once worn by the babies
of women you know
who gave them with love
to wrap your baby so.
As the poem says, each of these ladies sent an item of clothing, blanket or even a baby bath towel from each of their babies, and Kelly put it all together as a quilt.

Considering all the joy that each of those little babies have brought all my friends, I just cried at the thought of wrapping my own daughter in something so special and so filled with love.

Thank you PALP ladies...you know who you are, and I love you all.

Is Someone Growing Something Green In My Basement?

We got a bill from Xcel Energy for $7,986.22 today.

When I opened the eBill, I just about crapped a Twinkie.

According to the power company, we used 99,860 KILOWATTS of power last month in a house we're not living in.

This is enough to power 80 houses for a month.

I called the kind folks at Xcel, and the gal laughed along with me.

A guy is going out to review the new electrical panel and the meter reading.

Hopefully a tad bit more reasonable bill will come to us next week!

Sort of A Wild Night

It's Day 25 In The Hospital Today...And last night I think I had pressed "send" on an e-mail update to most of my friends as well as family practically gushing about how everything was going SO well, when we started in again last night.

This time, the bleed was pretty serious -- starting at 7 p.m., another at 8, and another one in the middle of the night at 2:30 a.m.

Around 8:30 I called my sister-in-law Julia and she came up to the hospital while we waited for Brian to get in from Bend a couple of hours away. I knew if I didn't call Julia, it was one of those Murphy's Law things where I'd have ended up having the baby 15 minutes before Brian could get here...but if I DID call her, all would stop and be fine.

I was right.

There was a point when I thought after my conversation with the doctor that this might be it. But then my body, in its infinite rebellion to predictability decided to calm down. Or maybe it was the anti-contraction drugs. Who knows?

Anyway, Long Legs/Chubby Cheeks is still in her spot, hooked up to a monitor and doing her thing. We are not looking to meet her today.

It does amaze me how each day that ticks by makes me realize we're that much closer...and one of these days I'm going to be staring at those cheeks, getting my finger grabbed by a teeny little hand, and all these days in the hospital will have been worth it.

Friends Willing To Bury Stuff In Your Yard

A special thanks to Doug and Susan (and Louis, Miracle Baby) for burying St. Joseph for us in our front yard in Denver in hopes of getting a quick sale on the house.

You might not know this, but St. Joseph is the patron saint of Family, Home and Real Estate Transactions.

Our friends who like us aren't in the least bit Catholic, didn't let this little fact get in the way, and willingly drove to a Catholic store, bought St. Joseph and said a nice prayer and buried him in our front yard.

We actually got double duty done this weekend, because the one I had already ordered when Susan and Doug offered to do this, also got buried by Brian in a different spot in the yard.

So, when it's over, we'll have to dig them both up and give them a prominent spot in our new home.

Hopefully that will be soon!

Our Girl Has Chubby Cheeks!

We just got done with our ultrasound...Our baby girl has grown over a pound in 3 weeks, and looks like she weighs around 4 lbs., 5 oz.!!

It was cool to find out why she's kicking my liver so hard...we found her feet way up there next to it.

The previa is still there, the cervix is still long and closed as far as I could tell, fluids are good. She's measuring a day or two smaller than her 32.3 weeks on her head, right on with her abdominal measurement, and her legs are LONG -- measuring 34 weeks! Our girl is looking good, and I am looking forward to hearing what the doc says after he gets the official radiology report.

Here's the u/s pic...I hope it looks as clear to you as it does to us...he said her face was kinda smashed since she doesn't have as much fluid around her since she's GETTING SO BIG.

YAY for smashed faces!!! I just can't believe the cheeks that won't quit!

Here We Go Again!

We're doing ok this morning. I had another bleed overnight (why this always strikes at 3:30-5 a.m. I don't know) but I knew I would because I had several irregular but strong contractions yesterday, and our girl was kicking me so much and so hard yesterday I was certain she was knocking stuff loose.

So weird that it's the 5th night since the last one, and here we go again. Even the doctor is impressed with the fact that I called it yesterday and boom -- there it happened again.

So in the middle of the night I got an IV drip that made me stay awake for over an hour because I had to hold my hand "just so" so the IV would work (the saline lock/port is old and will be changed today). I also got some drugs to stop the contractions, and then I slept until breakfast got here.

I am less than thrilled with Army Nurse this morning. Every time I asked about something she forgets or challenges me. Like Brian said after she left "maybe she should read the instruction sheet she has before she comes in." Since all nurses have notes on each of us.

We're both doing fine, the baby as usual seems completely unaffected, which is very good. Dr. P says our new goal is to get her to 34 weeks, so I have new sights to set on. He said we would talk after 34 weeks about when we would deliver, since it sounds like the max they'll let me go is between 35-36 weeks to avoid the possibility of me going into labor on my own (which is bad with a previa).

Last night I had a funny dream. I dreamed I had a 10 lb BOY, and I kept asking if they were sure he was mine, because they told me all along I was going to have a girl, and before everyone got a phone call with bad information, I just wanted to make sure. He was very cute and I was surprised that he was so fat & smiley and he looked like us, but somehow I didn't have a C-section even though I still had a previa. LOL

Brian just got home at 10 p.m. last night from a weekend in Denver with the boys, so that was nice to have him back. He's taking the day off to be with me since we're supposed to have an ultrasound sometime today to check our girl's growth!

And maybe I'll have them do one more gender check just to make sure there really aren't any "twig and berries" in there.

I Found A New Table To Put My Food On...

And Now For Something Totally Hilarious

I can't help this one...it's making fun of my own people, but I had to share:


Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner?

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.

Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner,
locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and
charges at you.

You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere
seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?
...............................................

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man
look poor? Or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would
inspire him to attack?

Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids?

What does the law say about this situation? Why am I carrying a loaded gun
anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my
children?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed
day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

-------------------------
Republican's Answer:
BANG!

-------------------------
Redneck's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Click..... (Sounds of reloading)

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

BANG!

Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or
Hollow Points?

Son: Why did that dumb SOB bring a knife to a gun fight?

Wife: Don't you dare take that thing to the taxidermist.

Right Next Door

Patient privacy laws being what they are, I shouldn't even know what I do know.

But several days back I was told on the sly that there's a girl in the hospital who's 19 years old, only 26 weeks pregnant with twins, and not taking her bedrest very seriously.

She thinks it's "fun" that she can call a nurse to bring her whatever she wants, and wants to be off her monitoring schedule so she can sneak out for a cigarette.

This knowledge only came from a nurse who was comparing me too someone else, in that I am, I guess, a "low maintenance" patient because I'm taking this bedrest thing seriously, and I'm not punching the nurse call button as if I'm calling the concierge for room service.

I don't know her name, I don't even know which room she's in but I imagine her on the other side of one of my walls, and wonder what it will take for her to wake up and realize what a gift she has growing within.

It always amazes me how some people have such an incredible gift they don't even realize they have. How the pain of losing a baby can make one go from so blissfully ignorant to deeply respectful of what a miracle new life is.

I sure hope she gets it.

Sunday Sweet Sunday

It's Sunday, and more importantly September 2nd!

That means our girl is 32 weeks into what would normally be 40 weeks of pregnancy.

We'd love to make it to 35 weeks at least, but just getting to 32 is a HUGE milestone.

Less chances of complications, more chances of a healthy baby.

We're all about that!

Bring In The Clowns

My brothers Jeff and Joel came to the hospital yesterday.

As they were about to leave, I asked to get a picture of us...and my niece Miriam took this pictures while struggling to keep a straight face.

My brother Jeff (funny expression, tummy out, on the left) had been teasing me the whole time whenever I tried to get up.

Joel (the guy with washboard abs pretending to "suck it in" on the right) was trying to NOT look like me. HA.

I love those guys.

My Brian, My Cellmate

Brian and I have been in the hospital together for 19 days now.

Brian has missed only a couple of nights of hospital couch sleeping (for work travel), but otherwise this has been my view when I wake up nearly every morning.

I know most people know our story, but it began a lot further back in time than the mere seven years we've been married, or the couple of years we dated before that.

This is the man I met in August 1981 shortly before I started high school, who was the little brother of my brother's best friend, David.

I found the diary where I wrote "Met Brian M. today. He's cute!" on that day 26 years ago when I was just 14.

Little did I know then the long road we would take to date (we dated off and on, beginning my senior year in high school), then 10 years later we dated again. Little did I know that I'd finally get to marry this man as we did in 2000.

Little did we know the trials and troubles we'd go through to have a baby. Like most people, we just figured we'd start a family when we were ready to, and that it would be oh-so-easy.
Instead, here we are five years after our first pregnancy ended in miscarriage, finally expecting a baby that everyone expects to make it, who appears healthy, despite the fact that my body has an apparent need to make everything difficult.

Brian has been my rock through all this. As my Mom says "He's loyal, faithful and true."

While some might wonder about him for driving halfway across the state in one night to be with me only to leave for work the next morning -- I also realize that it's harder for him NOT to be here. And with each passing day he and I both know that the birth of our baby is that much closer, that much more likely...and he doesn't want to miss that either.

I still look at this guy and feel so lucky to have finally married him. He is truly the love of my life, and I realize that as he stands by me and helps me so willingly, that he loves me that much too.

Thank you, Brian.

Fifth Day Syndrome

Sure enough, I woke up this morning at 3 a.m. with more bleeding.

This time it was enough that they told me I couldn't eat til I saw the doctor, AND put me on an IV and gave me something to stop my mild contractions (if you could even call them that). Eventually I did get a late breakfast.

It's hard to go through this, since it seems like it gets to be a little worse each time and I can't help but wonder what the next one will bring, and when this will all end.

What's weird too is how the bleeds are clustered around every 5th day or so. I guess that's good that I have that much time between most of them, but it is odd...but seven episodes in 18 days means I'm not going anywhere.

But the baby seems unaffected by it all so far. And I asked the doctor doing the rounds today to make sure to schedule my next ultrasound at the earliest opportunity. He gave me some reasons why we should wait, but I told him I really need to see and know for my own peace of mind, so I should get one by Monday.

Baby Stuff and Belly Shots

My little brother Joel just got here from NYC for the long weekend, and he and his partner David just stopped by the hospital on the way from the airport.

Joel and David went crazy at Baby Gap and another Manhattan baby store, and just brought me a BUNCH of little clothes and shoes, including the green striped Baby Gap sleeper that a friend suggested I buy earlier this week.
This weekend is the 3rd Not Very Annual Joelapalooza, a party at my brother Jeff's farm that is held about every other year for Joel so his West Coast friends can come see him, we get to see him, and a small Woodstock breaks out on the mini-farm.
And here's my belly shot of today -- at 31 weeks, 3 days, we're closing in on our all-important 32 weeks mark. I can tell I've grown even more since I took the last one shortly after I arrived at the hospital.

And that's a good thing.

What Weight Gain?

It's been 17 days since my hospitalization, and this nurse rolls in a scale every Sunday morning. It's not nearly as pleasant as a latte, but it sure wakes me up.

I love weighing in. It's amazing how big I've gotten and if this baby went to term, the mind reels as to how big I could get before this pregnancy is over.

I laugh when I watch the Weight Watchers commercial with Jenny McCarthy, who says "When I came home from the hospital, I was hoping I'd be bringing home a 60 lb. baby..."

After two weeks of weighing in, the scale was way too nice to me compared to previous weigh-ins at the OB/GYN office visits, so it didn't appear that I'd really gained much if anything. So yesterday my nurse came by and she said some nutritionist was "concerned you aren't eating enough because she hasn't gained any weight since she got here."

Which really isn't true, but it made me laugh. Out loud. Hard.

Are they trying to send me into preterm labor?

The amount of chocolate I've been eating, much less the 3 squares a day they bring me, would easily sustain this pregnancy. And maybe someone else's as well.

My Mom came back from a trip to Ashland Oregon's Shakespeare Festival with a box, and I thought "Oh how sweet, she brought something for the baby."

But no, it was this mug that says it all: "Gimme some chocolate and no one gets hurt."

There comes a point around 6 months of pregnancy where you really stop caring (or I would argue that you should stop caring if you still do) about how much you weigh.

I have outgrown most of the maternity pants I had bought at about 4-5 months, thinking I would NEVER be able to fill them up. I am now into two pairs of JC Penney sweats that are a size 3X and therefore will fit me until the End of Time and fortunately have a drawstring for afterwards.

But then I finally figured out what happened with my scale and the poor, misinformed nutritionist.

When I left Denver, I weighed in one last time at the end of June. When I came to Eugene's OB/GYN office, the cruel scale said that in just a few weeks I had gained 20 lbs. more than Denver.

When I was hospitalized a few weeks after that, I reported my weight since they didn't weigh me (it was Monday so I guess they don't make you weigh in). So I said something around the Oregon weight, but I did say it was a bit "generous".

Well, sure enough, they brought a MUCH nicer scale in on these Sundays, which weighed me much more kindly. So the nutritionist thought I was losing weight instead of gaining!

Doh!

Mystery solved.

Now, bring me some more Dove Chocolates and no one gets hurt.

The War Is On...

I just got this e-mail from Teri, which she sent to a few of her closest friends regarding my ahem, aversion to my kid being a Pink French Poodle for Halloween...

"All -

Please visit the blog below and leave a comment in my favor. The baby needs the poodle costume. It may be her only chance at pinkdom.

Please tell your friends and ask that they tell their friends. This is an important cause.

Poodle Power.

http://planetjules.blogspot.com/2007/08/happy-heinous-halloween.html

Love, Teri"

On Thursday, she's leaving to take 6 weeks off to go on a pilgramage to walk across SPAIN in an effort to shave off some extra time she would have spent in the hereafter in purgatory.

Let's just say I think this is very good time spent. :)

Quilters Alphabet

The Quilter's Alphabet
Author Unknown

Accuracy...mood dependent.
Bleed...bless the fabric that doesn't.
Credit card...purrs in a quilt shop.
Distance...at which points look good.
Even...well, does it look even?
Fudge...adjustment terminology.
Golden...the moment it's finished!
Hug...wrap up in a quilt.
Iron...the great fabric disciplinarian!
Justify...can't cook! Quilting an heirloom.
Knot...size need not stop a truck.
Love...quilting is a labor of.
Marker...please, let it wash out.
Needle...feet always find it.
Ouch...related to one end of a pin.
Pucker...that rascally little puffy thing.
Quilt...a thing of beauty, a joy forever!
Rip...as ye sew, so shall ye.
Seam...straight is good.
Time...to quilt, grab more.
Underside...where all the work shows.
Victim...of quilt guilt (too many?).
What...a quilt (all pupose comment)!
Xamine...I'll say how close!
Y...only quilt on days ending in "y".
Zero...other things you'd rather do!

Happy Heinous Halloween!

My friend Teri, God Love Her...

Teri called me a little over a week ago to inform me that she had found a Halloween costume for my kid.
"What is it?" I asked, of course curious....

"I can't tell you," she said. "You're going to hate it!" (said with a little too much glee in her voice).

It's pink. It's a French Poodle.

I realize a large amount of pink is going to be in our lives because that's what 99 percent of girl baby clothes are made of, so a certain amount of resistance is futile, I know.

But a pink poodle?

It's funny. It's hilarious perhaps.

But let's face it: It's just awful!

Apparently We Need To Bury St. Joseph

DH is supposed to fly to Denver this weekend for his fantasy football draft (barring the baby arriving by Friday, he'll go).

I informed him that he's supposed to bury a St. Joseph's statue in the yard at our house so it will sell.

He's Lutheran like me, so the look on his face was a bit priceless. "Oh Really?" He said. "Yeah." I said. "Doesn't that seem sorta sacreligious since we're not, uh, CATHOLIC?"

"Apparently we don't have to be Catholic to get help from their saints," I said.

No disrespect intended, but we Lutherans don't get the whole "Saint of this, saint of that" thing. I mean we've HEARD of it. It's just not part of our religious upbringing to believe in there being a patron saint of real estate.

But the house hasn't sold. We're getting lookers here and there, but the market sucks and our house is a little quirky so it's going to be slow to sell. So I'm willing to experiment with being quasi-Catholic this weekend for as long as it takes to bury a statue in the yard.

So tell me, do we bury it in a specific spot?

Where do we get a St. Joseph statue?

Is there a Catholic supply store online where I can get one?

Dreams of Our Girl

I dreamed I met our little girl last night! In my dream I walked into our bedroom, and she was sleeping on the bed...she didn't have any clothes on, or a diaper, and as I tried to get a diaper on her, I realized she was too big to fit into the newborn diapers. She was kinda chubby!

She looked a lot like me when I was a baby...with brown curly hair. I fed her, and thought "Breastfeeding is so easy! Why does everybody make such a big deal out of it!?!"

I guess I was thinking about it a lot yesterday as I read a book and watched the hospital's Newborn Channel that pushes breastfeeding enough that it makes me want to rebel against it -- but I won't.

The rest of the dream got really weird (I put her in a Moses Basket and put her in the river, HA), but the first part was cool.

What is it, Sunday? I keep a white board in my room that is updated just so I can remember. I've been in the hospital for two weeks now.

Friday and Saturday pretty much sucked. Except we moved to a newer, better, more spacious suite which doesn't really change things much for me, but makes it much easier on those visiting me. The hardest things about Friday and Saturday were that I had quite a bit of bleeding both days, and the doctors actually took me off food on Saturday morning (briefly) while they considered if we might have to have the baby.

It's just scary to think that all this could change on a moment's notice like that.

Plus, they had to poke me four times to get a good vein for my new IV/saline lock. I hate needles.

Saturday late morning things subsided and we were given the usual talk about how we REALLY want to get to 32 weeks, when the survival rate is just about the same as a full term baby, only with time in the NICU required.

Fortunately, last night I had a good night/early morning. No more bleeding today, which is good.

If you look at my ticker on the right, you'll see that my baby has made it to the 8th month at 31 weeks 1 day.

My sister Jill was here overnight too with her boy Erik. Brian and Erik went to a movie yesterday too. I like to see Brian get out of here and do something besides work and visiting me.

Jill & Erik just stopped by with a Starbucks for me on their way back to Seattle, and DH is at church.

That means time for a shower and a movie.

Another day of waiting. But it's ok.

I just keep reminding myself...it's either sit and wait or have the baby, and right now I'd rather sit and wait!

And On The 5th Day...

I woke up this morning and had another bit of bleeding. More than last Sunday, less than last Tuesday. What a way to wake up quickly.

I went from "you could go home the next couple of days" to "Oh, it looks like you just bought yourself another week in the hospital."

I'm listening to our girl on the monitors and she's fine, so that's why I'm here.

That's why I'm here.

Repeat.

Julie's Grand Day Out

Yesterday afternoon I got to go on a field trip! It was the first wheelchair ride out of my room in 11 days since I landed in the hospital.

Ah, the taste of freedom.

I was very excited to get out.
First, Brian showed me where my ice water came from:

He even wheeled me in all the way so I could see the mini pop machine and other stuff. It's always good to know where ice comes from, so you can direct the newbies a few doors down.
Then he wheeled me past the nurse's station.

This was the only other place I knew to exist in the hospital. They brought me here in an ambulance through the Emergency Room, so I didn't get any sort of reference point of where I've been in here.

Brian then wheeled me to the elevators and took me to the gift shop. We went through that nice and slowly. I took a picture of the chocolate rack where I blew most of the $5.00 my friend Teri sent me to spend on chocolate.

Unfortunately the picture didn't turn out, but the chocolate and Mentos were still good. :)
Then it was OUTSIDE!

Fresh air!

Flowers!

I asked Brian to slow down just so I could enjoy the short trip down the sidewalk to the other entrance back on the West Wing.

Nurse Alissa said we had 15 minutes and I knew we'd already blown through that so we headed back through Emergency to find some elevators back upstairs.

But not before we stopped by the chapel.

And before Brian showed me where we were when his brother David was in this hospital so many years ago.

So that was a half hour of my day yesterday!

It is amazing what I can get excited about. But after 11 days in this pink-walled room and no end in sight, just finding out where I am in relation to the rest of the hospital is a wonderful thing.

My New Friend Patience

Anyone who knows me knows I've never been famous for my patience. I have a few good traits, but that isn't tops on the list.

I have always been a "make it happen" kinda gal. Once I've decided on something, I break it down and get it done. So call me persistent, not patient. That's always been an easy trade for me.

But with all our infertility problems, losses and uncertainty surrounding whether we would ever start a family, I learned a lot of patience.

I had even given up.

Now please don't think that "giving up" is what got me where I am. I don't believe that giving up is what gave me this child any more than trying hard to have one made me lose those babies I did to miscarriage. That's a bunch of hooey.

But this bedrest has taught me a new level of patience. Brian said last night as I told him that I had been here 10 days and that I only thought I had another 30-40 days of bedrest, that I have been incredibly patient.

Those are magic words to me.

In my view, this new Patience has been thrust upon me. But then I don't see much point in whining about it, I just accept what is and just like before, I get persistent -- I'll do what it takes to make this happen.

For now, I'm just happy my baby is still healthy and ok, and that's really all that matters. If that makes me patient, so be it.

The uncertainty of when she'll be born is probably the hardest. I read about preemies in a book my friend Teri sent me. I'll probably end up with a c-section, because of the previa (which is blocking the baby's "way out"). And it's hard to imagine having to go through surgery. But when will that be? I have no idea.

But in the end it's all worth it. And I haven't even met her yet.

Shiela Made Me Do It

My friend Shiela started this, and I'm already glad she did. She told me I had to take a picture of some of the people taking care of me and my baby.

At first I thought that was weird, but now I realize that we're documenting a looooooonnnnngg, drawn out birth story for my girl, and I really should have pictures of some of the people who helped our baby make it.

This is my 10th day in the hospital, and this picture of my nurse today is of Alissa, my first "repeat" nurse.

Every day and every night someone new nurse has walked in. But today I got Alissa back.

When you're a "lifer" on what feels like forever bedrest, it's nice to see a familiar face.

Alissa gave me a hard time a couple days ago when she was here. But then I probably started it. She laughed almost as evilly as I do when I told my brother in front of her that she was mean.

There aren't any mean nurses at this hospital. I haven't met one yet anyway. They are not all the same, but they are all wonderful.

So if you have a nurse in your family, give him or her a hug today and say thanks.

And thanks Shiela, for getting started on documenting my stay with more people. I know, I have to get a doctor next.

Seven Months Today!

We made it to the end of our 7th month today!

Our girl kicked me awake around 6 a.m. She's apparently up for a busy day today.

She was pretty quiet yesterday. I worried about her a little, but apparently she was just taking a break or studying for her evening test, because she perked right up for the baby monitoring hour last night, and started doing her work-out to show her heart and her limbs are quite functional, thank you very much.

She got the hiccups at one point yesterday. I love that.

Here's the design I finished for her quilt. I bought some materials, but haven't figured out when/how I'll get it made.

So here we are, end of seven full months, and on to eight!

So Much For Our Lucky Streak!

The morning just started out all wrong.

First some guy from the lab walked in at 6:15 and said a few words before throwing the strangulation thing on my arm and poking me for a blood sample -- all while I was virtually asleep.

Brian went to church this morning...My sister stopped by on her way back home...and just before noon, I woke up to a nap-ending feeling.

I had a bit more bleeding.

I called the nurse and she hooked me up to the monitors, and our girl is fine, so am I, but all bets are off for me to go home this week.

The doctor should stop by sometime to tell me that, but I already know.

The nurse said she doesn't know of any previa patient who stops bleeding completely. "It pretty much keeps going like this til the baby comes," she said.

So, I'm in the slammer. Brian just went to the fabric store for me to buy some stuff so I can handquilt my nieces quilt in bed instead of machine quilting it. It'll give me something to do.

Because I sure as heck can't anticipate going home anytime soon.

Oh well. As the nurse said, "That's why you're here."

This Mama's Proud

My nurse Gretchen today was nothing short of fabulous.

I started out at 8 a.m. waking up to breakfast coming, and her cracking some joke with me that made me think "ahhh, much better than the nurse from last night who forgot my chocolate shake til it melted outside and had no sense of humor."

She was wonderful. She teased me and I teased back. Today she brought me my TUMS and said she'd forgotton to give them to me earlier and claimed to be out of it today, so I ribbed her about her not paying enough attention to me and that surely that must be some sort of malpractice. I said "Wow, that makes me wonder what else you forgot!"

Eye rolls from Gretchen The Nurse.

I think I have a reputation building at the nurse's station as a funster, because the nurses seem to be having fun with me. She said how refreshing it is to have someone like me on her roster. I wonder what kind of whiners she gets on a day to day basis.

But here's what she said today that made my day: She said that our baby is doing fantastic, and that looking at her monitoring graphs, her heartbeat and movements are "way beyond what we expect out of a baby at 29-30 weeks."

So I get to sleep with a smile tonight that our girl is well and she's exceeding expectations already.

I didn't realize how much I needed to hear something good today until I heard Gretchen say those things. This just might buy her a little slack when she comes home with that first B grade.

For Those Bearing Gifts...

Lots of people have provided me with some entertainment and chocolate since I landed in the hospital, but I think this one takes the cake.

Mom brought me some copies of Reader's Digest. I don't know which one is funnier, the copy on the left that claims to have an "untold story" about Princess Diana's marriage and life ((WHAT COULD BE LEFT??!?) or the one on the right with the headline "FATAL HOSPITAL MISTAKES YOU CAN AVOID".

I vote for the one on the right, don't you?

Thank you to my sister-in-law Julie I for pointing it out to me. I got my laugh of the day!

It's Not Rocket Science...

Well, it all starts with looking on the internet.

I wasn't hospitalized for two days before I realized how much I need the internet, my contact with the outside world goes up exponentially with the ability to e-mail, blog and go to my online support group that I've belonged to forever.

At someone's brilliant urging, I looked on Craigslist and found a laptop for sale for $150. The guy even lives 20 blocks from the hospital, and Brian met him in the hospital lobby to test it out before paying him cash and bringing it upstairs for me.

Ahhhhhhhhh.

But with this internet connection comes information, and with that information, some fear and trepidation.

You don't have to look far to find out that placenta previa is no joke. When you think about it, with normal hospitalizations when you'd have your average non-essental organ out (like say an appendix), they can practically do that with Day Surgery these days. At most, you're sent home from the hospital in a few days.

But here I am, with an open-ended invitation to stay for the duration of my pregnancy.

When I think about how long I could be here and more importantly WHY, it scares me bit. Well, more than a bit.

I have already been lectured about not reading any more, and I'll do that. I swear. But still. The thought that I could hemmorrhage or even bleed to death well, that sorta gets a girl's attention. Or as my most recent perinatologist said, "That's why you're here."

This same perinatologist also offered some pretty good assurance: With me here, 20 feet from the O.R., they can have me in the operating room and knocked out in five minutes, and the baby out in one. No joke.

"It's not like it's rocket science," he said.

"Nope, just take that extra minute and make sure the scar will end up being fairly straight and the knife is clean, wontcha?" I thought.

Meanwhile, my daughter still moves, or dances as she did yesterday, and I get to learn again, the benefits of taking one day at a time, and not thinking too much.

Anyone who knows me knows those two skills are not my forte.

But I've been through enough hell. I can learn a little more patience, just for my girl.

A Good Day

Any day we get with our baby staying put is a good day, they say, so today was a good day.

We're doing fine, Kicky and me...She's kicking (even got her foot wedged up near my rib cage for the first time today), heartbeat is just right, and with all the monitoring, we're getting good marks for either one of us showing distress. That and no more bleeding, and it's been a very very good day.

My perinatologist is from Denver, then today I met a second peri today who was doing the rounds and he moved here from Denver's University Hospital as well. Amazing.

Dr. P said today the reason they keep me here is due to the randomness of bleeding that can occur with placenta previa, and how it could become very serious very quickly. With me here next door to the Operating Room, they could have me in there and knocked out in 5 minutes, and the baby out in ONE minute. That's 6 minutes!

So the bed rest will be indefinite, and we're at 29 weeks 4 days today, and while our girl would be fine if she were born today, the goal is to reach at least 32 weeks, and any time after that is more gravy time.

That's about all I have in me today. I'll update again as soon as I can!

And then BAM!!! Bedrest

I'm in a hospital in Portland being observed as we just found out I have placenta previa (my placenta is right over my cervix), which caused some bleeding, and a nail-biting speedometer popping trip to the hospital.

Our baby is fine, she's measuring 29.2 weeks, weighing in around 3 lbs. (EXCELLENT), and has lots of fluid around her (that's good too), and we're into buying her time at this point.

But we had some bleeding yesterday and today so they sent me to a specialist hospital here in Portland, where I will be observed for about a week.

I'll update more later, since I'm about to have a LOT of time to kill, but wanted to ask for your prayers, positive thoughts, whatever it is you send up.

Our girl is going to be ok, according to our specialist. She might come early, but she should be ok.

Trip to Target for The Tiny Tot

I've been feeling these past few days like I just HAD to get a few things for the baby. I'm 29 weeks this week, with about 2 1/2 months to go, and this odd feeling that the baby's going to come sooner than that. Not a lot sooner, but more like 6-8 weeks from now instead of 10 or 11.

So with that in mind, I took a bit of an inventory of all the stuff my friend Delois gave me, and off to the store I went this afternoon.

I went to Target and bought some newborn disposable diapers, wipes, and a BUNCH of other little stuff, like a changing pad cover, nursing pads, a few bottles, a thing of J&J bath soap stuff, a thermometer, and some butt paste.

There's nothing like standing there in the baby aisle, without a CLUE and wondering about the bazillion products there are on the shelf and if I'll really need it. Does anyone really use baby oil or baby powder anymore? And if so, what for?

I did pretty good until I got to the card aisle and went to look at baby announcements. For no particular reason (why this, I don't know), I started to choke up and I just couldn't buy them yet.

But I don't feel so naked with all the stuff I got! I'm very happy to have a few baby things around me.

Baby Girl is still kicking like crazy. She is getting big enough now that she makes my whole tummy roll with moves that say "Look, there's an alien in there!".

This is so surreal!

Not Looking For World Peace

We went to the doctor today and found out Kick is doing fine. She kicked back at the doctor as she pressed the doppler to my belly to get a heartbeat reading.

She's also measuring ahead -- 29 weeks -- and I'm actually 27 weeks 5 days today, or thereabouts, so that's good.

We found a doctor near my brother's farm, who has a lot less charisma than my OB/GYN in Eugene, but we don't know if we'll be in Eugene by the time the baby is born or not.

Plus, this isn't a beauty pageant. Of course, I didn't ask any questions that could end in "World Peace", so I'm not even totally sure who the winner would have been. It's about who gets the baby out safely, and personality doesn't have anything to do with that.

To my new OB/GYN's credit, she and her nurse both said the exact right things when I briefly described Jacob's story. That's really all we needed.

And most importantly our baby is ok, still kicking, still taking up more space in me every day.

And that's a great thing.

Going Coastal

I'll tell you, there's nothing quite like a day at the beach.

I love the Oregon Coast.

My niece and I went there today with our dogs, Lucy and Casey, and we had a blast.
Lucy's not familiar with the ocean, so she drank the water (and looked a little surprised at the taste), and ate some of the sand.

My grandma used to live in Salem, and we had relatives out near Lincoln City, so I remember her taking me there on numerous occasions.

I love the familiarity of the Oregon Coast's shoreline, the constant blast of wind, the frigid waters that don't let you go in above your knees without risking hypothermia.

It feels like home.

Darin Pulver

It's odd how I always remember today is also my friend Darin Pulver's birthday.

Darin and I went to Conway School together, graduating from a class of 24 students in the 8th grade before being shipped into larger Mount Vernon for high school.

I had a crush on Darin for the better part of Middle School. Not just because he was cute and funny, but because out of all the cruel kids when I moved there in the 6th grade, Darin was nice to me.

He was the first boy I danced with at a school dance, and even in high school when he dated Missy Molstad and was class president, he never forgot his Conway School classmates and remained friendly with everyone.

My friend Darin was killed after a car accident our freshman year in college. He went to WSU, and was on the way home for Thanksgiving Break in a monstrous snowstorm that would paralyze the state.

He was the only one to survive the actual collision outside of Othello, Washington. He was flown to Sacred Heart in Spokane, where he died alone because his parents couldn't make it due to all the snow just to say goodbye.

Along with my classmates, I went to his funeral Thanksgiving weekend. I think of him now and then and wonder how his parents and family are doing. He was "the good one", and will be missed.

Rest in peace, Darin. We still miss you.

Time Warp

We've been living at my brother's house for 3 weeks now...it's one of those things that feels like forever in some respects, and like a very short time in others.

After about two weeks here, there was that short panic attack that wondered out loud to my husband one night, "What the heck was I thinking?"

Not for any reason except that the hardest part in moving across the country and being pregnant at the same time is that the house isn't sold, so we can't just go buy another one. Unfortunately Mom was right when she said "I'm not made of money," because I'm not made of money either.

So we have to wait for the house to sell before we can move on with our lives here. Fortunately we're in a comfortable place with good relatives that so far can still stand the sight of us. I try to help out with groceries, housekeeping here and there, but otherwise I can't say I do much.

I look for jobs I'm fairly sure I won't get hired for, since I'm six months pregnant now and know that any interview I go on will be ended with "Thanks for coming in" and dead silence afterwards.

But I have enjoyed a lot of down time, mostly just hanging out with my nieces, taking care of some household stuff, and on weekends Brian and I hang out together.
Today after they get done moving the horses to a different pasture, we're going to go see the Rembrandt exhibit at the Portland Art Museum.

On the baby front, I did see my new crazy OB/GYN. He's hilarious, and if it weren't for his front office staff who apparently see themselves as a barrier to health care instead of access to it, all would be perfect.

The doctor made some wisecrack about me having a 10-pound baby since I'm measuring on the big side. If he'd been wearing something with lapels, I would have grabbed them when I said "We're not going to let it get to that, right? RIGHT?"

Then while he listened to the heartbeat, he started saying "FEED ME. FEED ME. FEED ME." in a comical but freaky voice in time with the heartbeat.

Yeah, he's a hoot.

After the appointment, I got my thyroid checked because my neck is a little swollen (blood panel appears normal), and I'll have an ultrasound to check out the swelling on the 30th. I also did the glucose screening test, which basically shows that no matter how much sugar I eat, I'm not getting gestational diabetes. Thank God, because that small bag of M&Ms, Rolos and 3 Musketeers bars that I hide in my dresser wasn't about to be given away.

Girl Baby has been renamed "Kicky" by me. Mostly because she's higher than my belly button now and seems to think that kicking me hard enough to make me say weird things or laugh in public is a hourly achievement for her.



Yeah, she's a Kick, I say. Hence the name.

Here's my 6 month picture I took last week.

Today I'm officially at the end of my 6th month and starting seven.

Who knew?

Random Stuff From Oregon

Sorry not to have updated sooner.

I've been in Oregon for a week, and spent a good week with family, some unpacking, and some traveling.

This weekend Brian and I got to spend our first real weekend together, which was great. I've missed having time with him.

We drove up to the Seattle area on Thursday, and spent Friday afternoon bumming around the U-District, walking on my old campus at the University of Washington, prowling the bookstore, showing Brian the reading room at the graduate library and just looking around to see what had changed and what had stayed the same.

We ate at my favorite restaurant -- Thai Heaven (352 Roy Street on Lower Queen Anne, GO THERE, eat Paradise Chicken) -- and went down to the waterfront.

We stayed with my sister in Gig Harbor and had fun with them too...yummy pancakes, a couple of good nights' sleep, and some good relaxing times with my sis and nephews.

Brian and I headed back through Portland today, getting lost on the way in and out of downtown, despite my new Streetwise Map, which deserved to be thrown under the tires of my Subaru. I would have destroyed if it wouldn't have resulted in littering or me setting fire to it. It's hard to burn laminated maps I bet.

This week I plan on finding a day to drive out to the coast, even if it's just for an afternoon. I want my feet in the ocean!

Today I'm 24 weeks. My baby is officially "viable" today in that she would/could survive in the outside world from here on out. It's amazing to be this far into my pregnancy...It's even more amazing to think that she's kicking me like she is, and all but tap-tap-tapping on me to say "I'm here! I'm ok!"

7/7/7

Today it has been one year since my son Jacob was born silently into this world.

I don't think of this as his birthday in the sense that he would be "1" because he had no chance of survival, and was born still.

But I think of him and oh how I wish that things had been so very different for our little boy.

I love you my little guy. As life jumps inside my belly with the anticipation of my daughter, I'll never forget you.

Today is also the date of my 24th week of pregnancy -- and ironically, it's the week of viability, when my daughter -- if born anytime now -- can conceivably live outside me.

It's just strange to think that on the anniversary of the death of one child, another moves into the realm of the possibility of life outside me.

Lighting a candle for Jacob tonight.

I love you Jacob. Your Mom and Dad will never forget our short time together.