Thursday, August 24, 2006

Dreams of Fred

Last night I started doing research for a project I'm doing to honor the victims of 9/11.

I was assigned Fred Cox, an investment banker who worked on the 104th floor of one of the towers of the World Trade Center.

I chose Fred because he's a friend of a friend of mine, and she knows one of his former girlfriends, so I e-mailed her last night to ask if she wouldn't mind sharing whatever she wants to with me about her friend and her loss.

After that, I started researching Fred on the Internet. I found a lot of information about him (I'll share it later, as it won't get published until 9/11 of this year) in various memorials, and found some info on his girlfriend at the time of his death.

I went to bed with Fred's life and his family's loss heavy on my mind and in my heart. I only knew one person in real life who lost a sister in the Trade Center, and I didn't know her very well and had never met her sister. The thoughts and feelings surrounding his loss swirled around me as I thought of the profound hole he's left in the hearts and minds of those who loved him.

I ended up dreaming about Fred last night. We were in Heaven, and it looked a lot like Greenwich Village in New York City. Fred was going door to door while I waited on the street, as he encouraged all the people to come out and talk to me. I realized at some point that I wasn't here on Earth -- that each door he was knocking on belonged to different victims of 9/11.

I tried to tell Fred that they wouldn't be able to call me or e-mail me since they were dead, but it didn't seem to bother Fred. I was there visiting, and he figured he could get some people out to talk to me.

It's hard to know what to make of the dream, except that the few things I picked up on from Fred was that he was a good guy who was just trying to help me out with my project.

I only hope I'm up to the task of honoring him as he so richly deserves.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Jules, I've been meaning to contact you about this, and I am glad you gave me a reminder! I learned of your blog through a friend who is also doing a 9/11 tribute. I had asked her if she could find out who was doing a tribute for my cousin, Karleton Fyfe and also who might be doing one on Freddy Cox. I never had the opportunity to meet Fred, (he was the brother of a good friend Nancy Cox - now Nancy Nason?) but I had heard plenty about him, and when my cousin and Fred were both victims of 9/11 (my cousin a passenger on American flight 11) Nancy and I unfortunately had more in common than we had ever hoped for.

I started reading your blog after finding out that you had been assigned to do Freddy's tribute, in some hope that you might mention his family and I might get back into touch with my friend Nancy. And while that is still something I would be interested in, I want you to know that I really appreciate and respect what you're doing. I know after you just recently lost a child, this can't be an easy task, but it certainly says something about the kind of person you are, and I just want to thank you for that.

What little I know about Fred, simply, is what a smart, funny and handsome man he was, and clearly those three words don't do him justice! I wish you all the luck in your research, and would love to know if you end up in contact with any of his family. Good luck and thank you again.

Kate Willaredt, Kansas City, MO
katerino75@yahoo.com

Sheri said...

wow - what a great post! I am so nervous about doing my tribute to Joseph John Pycior. I want to honor him approprately.

Kate's comment above was very moving;. Maybe this tribute is for more things than just a rememberance. Putting old friend in touch with families of victims is very moving too.

Katherine said...

Jules,
I want a copy of the paper/article for Fred. Please let me know how much it is and where to send the money. I am still very sad over the loss of life on 9/11. I'm so glad to know that these innocent people are being remembered.

michele~ en said...

Isn't your dream amazing? Man, what our subconscious takes us to. What a neat thing~ I hadn't heard of this until you mentioned it on the board. I'm glued to that site, now. I know you'll do a perfect job honoring Fred. (((hugs)))

michele~ en

Kristen said...

Jules -- I love that. You know what is so cool about it -- is that you are already grasping Fred's personality. Really. He was larger than life...and always wanted to be in the middle helping out the little guy. Your dream is perfect -- it's exactly what Fred would be doing -- probably is doing. I am so grateful that YOU are doing his tribute -- because I know that you get it.

It's a true shame that he isn't with us anymore -- well -- except for that brief fleeting feeling that he is -- or, of course in a dream, where he is just who he always has been....a friend.

Jay T. said...

I too had a dream about Harry Ramos, who I'm writing a tribute for with 2,996. I never met Harry, but I've found out a lot about him.

Writing this tribute has turned out to be a lot more painful than I thought it would be. It's amazing how "close" I've grown to Harry Ramos...

MacKenzie said...

Hi Jules! I can't even begin to tell you the chills that I have running through my body. I was trying to see what info there might be out there about Freddy and found your site. My sister was Freddy's longtime girlfriend in college at the University of Arizona and thereafter. He was the most wonderful, special, beautiful man I have ever known. His picture sits on my nightstand so that every night and every morning I can chit chat with him and tell him how much we all miss him. How can I get ahold of your tribute? Can I be of any service to you? Please know that he was truly loved by many and a great loss to the world. Thank you so very much for doing this tribute to him.

Miranda said...

Jules,
My sister Mackenzie told me she found your "Dreams of Fred" on 9/11/06. My name is Miranda (Pichman) Reinhardt. Fred called me Mandy (I called Fred, "Ferdy"). I was Fred's girlfriend/bestfriend at the University of AZ. I have never written anything about Fred since his death, however I morn him everyday!
Ferdy is Bigger than life, Greater than words, and if anyone could come to you in your dreams to help you with a project it would be FRED COX, Jr. I use the word IS because he "lives on" in anyone who knew him and anyone who knew of him!!! When I think of these words from "The Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior" I think of Ferdy: We are not here to fit in, as much as we might like to. We are here to teach, to lead, to heal,to remind others, if only by our example.
Ferdy sincerely lived his life to make others feel SPECIAL! He was a true gift and an HONOR to have known him in this life!!!
Secondly, your NAME, Jules, is the name of Fred's favorite artist, Jules Olitski...actually second to his mother, Ann. I just found it a little ironic.
Your DREAM and your NAME have motivated me to end my silence and write to you. I know your project is probably finished, but if there is anything I can do to help you or even just to talk, please give me a call. 815-434-4038 or m.reino@sbcglobal.net
Sincerely, Miranda

Anonymous said...

Jules,
My sister Mackenzie told me she found your "Dreams of Fred" on 9/11/06. My name is Miranda (Pichman) Reinhardt. Fred called me Mandy (I called Fred, "Ferdy"). I was Fred's girlfriend/bestfriend at the University of AZ. I have never written anything about Fred since his death, however I morn him everyday!
Ferdy is Bigger than life, Greater than words, and if anyone could come to you in your dreams to help you with a project it would be FRED COX, Jr. I use the word IS because he "lives on" in anyone who knew him and anyone who knew of him!!! When I think of these words from "The Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior" I think of Ferdy: We are not here to fit in, as much as we might like to. We are here to teach, to lead, to heal,to remind others, if only by our example.
Ferdy sincerely lived his life to make others feel SPECIAL! He was a true gift and an HONOR to have known him in this life!!!
Secondly, your NAME, Jules, is the name of Fred's favorite artist, Jules Olitski...actually second to his mother, Ann. I just found it a little ironic.
Your DREAM and your NAME have motivated me to end my silence and write to you. I know your project is probably finished, but if there is anything I can do to help you or even just to talk, please give me a call.
Sincerely, Miranda

Anonymous said...

Jules,
Surely you are finished by now. I knew Fred for only his high school years thru college. He was so special, his fathers' best friend. I think of Fred often but more for his father and his huge loss. Everyone was touched by Freddy. Your dream is a blessing. That was Freddy coming to help you. God bless you for sharing with us your beautiful dream. I am sure Freddy was honored to have you write his tribute;probably handpicked you. Sincerely, Jane

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