Well, it all starts with looking on the internet.
I wasn't hospitalized for two days before I realized how much I need the internet, my contact with the outside world goes up exponentially with the ability to e-mail, blog and go to my online support group that I've belonged to forever.
At someone's brilliant urging, I looked on Craigslist and found a laptop for sale for $150. The guy even lives 20 blocks from the hospital, and Brian met him in the hospital lobby to test it out before paying him cash and bringing it upstairs for me.
But with this internet connection comes information, and with that information, some fear and trepidation.
You don't have to look far to find out that placenta previa is no joke. When you think about it, with normal hospitalizations when you'd have your average non-essental organ out (like say an appendix), they can practically do that with Day Surgery these days. At most, you're sent home from the hospital in a few days.
But here I am, with an open-ended invitation to stay for the duration of my pregnancy.
When I think about how long I could be here and more importantly WHY, it scares me bit. Well, more than a bit.
I have already been lectured about not reading any more, and I'll do that. I swear. But still. The thought that I could hemmorrhage or even bleed to death well, that sorta gets a girl's attention. Or as my most recent perinatologist said, "That's why you're here."
This same perinatologist also offered some pretty good assurance: With me here, 20 feet from the O.R., they can have me in the operating room and knocked out in five minutes, and the baby out in one. No joke.
"It's not like it's rocket science," he said.
"Nope, just take that extra minute and make sure the scar will end up being fairly straight and the knife is clean, wontcha?" I thought.
Meanwhile, my daughter still moves, or dances as she did yesterday, and I get to learn again, the benefits of taking one day at a time, and not thinking too much.
Anyone who knows me knows those two skills are not my forte.
But I've been through enough hell. I can learn a little more patience, just for my girl.