Thursday, August 23, 2007

My New Friend Patience

Anyone who knows me knows I've never been famous for my patience. I have a few good traits, but that isn't tops on the list.

I have always been a "make it happen" kinda gal. Once I've decided on something, I break it down and get it done. So call me persistent, not patient. That's always been an easy trade for me.

But with all our infertility problems, losses and uncertainty surrounding whether we would ever start a family, I learned a lot of patience.

I had even given up.

Now please don't think that "giving up" is what got me where I am. I don't believe that giving up is what gave me this child any more than trying hard to have one made me lose those babies I did to miscarriage. That's a bunch of hooey.

But this bedrest has taught me a new level of patience. Brian said last night as I told him that I had been here 10 days and that I only thought I had another 30-40 days of bedrest, that I have been incredibly patient.

Those are magic words to me.

In my view, this new Patience has been thrust upon me. But then I don't see much point in whining about it, I just accept what is and just like before, I get persistent -- I'll do what it takes to make this happen.

For now, I'm just happy my baby is still healthy and ok, and that's really all that matters. If that makes me patient, so be it.

The uncertainty of when she'll be born is probably the hardest. I read about preemies in a book my friend Teri sent me. I'll probably end up with a c-section, because of the previa (which is blocking the baby's "way out"). And it's hard to imagine having to go through surgery. But when will that be? I have no idea.

But in the end it's all worth it. And I haven't even met her yet.


Tammy said...

Ahhh the "p" word. I don't even utter it because then I get a whole other dose of whatever I need to get more "p". So, shhhhh... LOL!

You are doing incredibly well as I know that the uncertainty (you know, cuz we share a brain!) could be eating you up. This really has forced you into a one day at a time mode, nothing in your control except the attitude in which you accept whatever happens of THIS day. I for one am praying for many more days of Kicky being where she is, safe and sound. And for you and the "p" thing happening...


Sheri said...

It will be worth it. I promise you. When you hold that little girl in your arms, all these long days of bed rest will be a fleeting memory. When Miss Kicky is a mobile toddler, tearing around the house, you'll probably fondly remember bed rest days and try to recall how good it would feel to lay around for a day. lol

Keep being safe Jules and baby. Email me anytime and if you IM, add me! I'm nickelchair1 on AIM and deerledgemom on Yahoo.

tims_mom said...

Ahhh, the things kids teach us, even before they are born. We learn to slow down, and take wonder at the ant on the sidewalk, and clouds in the sky, all the "new" things they see, and we've forgotten about. Marvel in each and every moment.



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