Anyone who knows me knows I've never been famous for my patience. I have a few good traits, but that isn't tops on the list.
I have always been a "make it happen" kinda gal. Once I've decided on something, I break it down and get it done. So call me persistent, not patient. That's always been an easy trade for me.
But with all our infertility problems, losses and uncertainty surrounding whether we would ever start a family, I learned a lot of patience.
I had even given up.
Now please don't think that "giving up" is what got me where I am. I don't believe that giving up is what gave me this child any more than trying hard to have one made me lose those babies I did to miscarriage. That's a bunch of hooey.
But this bedrest has taught me a new level of patience. Brian said last night as I told him that I had been here 10 days and that I only thought I had another 30-40 days of bedrest, that I have been incredibly patient.
Those are magic words to me.
In my view, this new Patience has been thrust upon me. But then I don't see much point in whining about it, I just accept what is and just like before, I get persistent -- I'll do what it takes to make this happen.
For now, I'm just happy my baby is still healthy and ok, and that's really all that matters. If that makes me patient, so be it.
The uncertainty of when she'll be born is probably the hardest. I read about preemies in a book my friend Teri sent me. I'll probably end up with a c-section, because of the previa (which is blocking the baby's "way out"). And it's hard to imagine having to go through surgery. But when will that be? I have no idea.
But in the end it's all worth it. And I haven't even met her yet.