Well, it all starts with looking on the internet.I wasn't hospitalized for two days before I realized how much I need the internet, my contact with the outside world goes up exponentially with the ability to e-mail, blog and go to my online support group that I've belonged to forever.
At someone's brilliant urging, I looked on Craigslist and found a laptop for sale for $150. The guy even lives 20 blocks from the hospital, and Brian met him in the hospital lobby to test it out before paying him cash and bringing it upstairs for me.
Ahhhhhhhhh.
But with this internet connection comes information, and with that information, some fear and trepidation.
You don't have to look far to find out that placenta previa is no joke. When you think about it, with normal hospitalizations when you'd have your average non-essental organ out (like say an appendix), they can practically do that with Day Surgery these days. At most, you're sent home from the hospital in a few days.
But here I am, with an open-ended invitation to stay for the duration of my pregnancy.
When I think about how long I could be here and more importantly WHY, it scares me bit. Well, more than a bit.
I have already been lectured about not reading any more, and I'll do that. I swear. But still. The thought that I could hemmorrhage or even bleed to death well, that sorta gets a girl's attention. Or as my most recent perinatologist said, "That's why you're here."
This same perinatologist also offered some pretty good assurance: With me here, 20 feet from the O.R., they can have me in the operating room and knocked out in five minutes, and the baby out in one. No joke.
"It's not like it's rocket science," he said.
"Nope, just take that extra minute and make sure the scar will end up being fairly straight and the knife is clean, wontcha?" I thought.
Meanwhile, my daughter still moves, or dances as she did yesterday, and I get to learn again, the benefits of taking one day at a time, and not thinking too much.
Anyone who knows me knows those two skills are not my forte.
But I've been through enough hell. I can learn a little more patience, just for my girl.
5 comments:
Jules - you are an AMAZING person. I know you have a hard time sitting still. You'll be bored to death some days. But to me, having you under such great care, where in six minutes, the two of you will be safe, means the world to me.
Your care package has been picked up by USPS and in it you'll find lots of things to keep you amused. I hope it will help you pass the time a little bit easier.
And from experience with having to literally sit around waiting for a birth (much less extreme circumstances), you'll want to kill the next person that says "haven't you had that baby yet?", I promise you I won't do that to you.
Hugs, prayers, and hopefully, amusement. Teri
I can't remember how I stumbled across your blog, but I've been following your story since just before you moved. I posted the other day about being a placenta previa veteran; fortunately for me, my hospital stay (1996) was prior to the days of hospital internet access so my information was extremely limited. We barely had cable TV!
The boredom was bad, but even worse was the inability to walk/move. By the end I had developed a serious case of restless legs syndrome. After my initial hemorrhage, I didn't have any other bleeds so my son was born via scheduled c-section. For whatever reason I had to walk to the OR from my antepartum room instead of going on a gurney or in a wheelchair. It was a long way to go on my wobbly legs.
Do you have bathroom/shower privileges? I really looked forward to shower days!
Each day... a lesson. I am constantly reminded in my own life that the hardships that we face are there (and suck mind you!) to hone the parts of our character that need it. Not that we (and YOU especiallY!) DESERVE this hard stuff... NO, never, NOT! But that if we have to go through it, a part of the deal might be to do what you're doing and consider how this will make you a more balanced or attentive or patient person AND HOPEFULLY, parent!
I gulp as I say this Sista, as I am facing the acceptance of such things as infertility and miscarriage as being a part of my life that forces me to be refined. And I hate having to accept that instead of pout over it anymore.
Your amaze me though... being willing to admit this, and yes, the slowing of taking it one day at a time, just for your girl. One day at a time... blessings to you and your baby...
Warm thoughts and (((HUGS))). Glad you two are somewhere safe!
Shannon and Art
I am so addicted to your blog I am even checking at work.. government has yet to block the blogger!
what a sweet DH you have.. glad you are connected what would we do w/o your updates..
I am currently 12 weeks pregnant as of saturday and reading your blog and what a journey it has been to this point just shows how truly amazing you are..
I had PP with my first child never hospitalaized but did have a massive hemmorage.. at 40 weeks..
God Bless!
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