The Love of My Life

This picture is of Brian and me in Paris last September. We're facing The Louvre, with the Place de la Concorde (the gold-tipped obelisk), and the Arc de Triomphe behind it. Behind that and out of view is La Defense.

The French are really good at making everything beautiful, orderly, and symmetrical. Their control over their environment with an eye for aesthetics is nothing short of amazing.

You go to Rome, and things are older and messier. Cobblestone streets wind around, ending at a piazza, cathedral or some ruins. Nothing is square, or linear. Forget round, unless you're at The Collisseum.

Our lives lately has been less Paris and more Rome. Less order, more chaos.
Less City of Light and more Eternal Frustration City.

Brian went out and played disc golf with his friends today, while I stayed home and worked on my quilt projects. When he got home, I wanted to go to dinner, but then realized the restaurant I wanted to go to -- LaFonda's -- I haven't been to since I was pregnant. While some days I'd feel like taking on the challenge, the mere thought of it reduced me to tears.

As the thunder & lightning storm started, I asked Brian if we could go out on the porch and just sit for a bit. We ended up cuddled up together watching the storm, as it started, then seemed to slow, and then started up again.

We talked about Jacob, and the holes in our hearts. We talked about how hard it's been, and how suddenly these past couple of days it feels harder instead of easier.

Through tears and hugs, we sat and just talked and comforted each other. We started talking about when we got married, and I said "Well, I think we've lived up to the whole "sickness & health, richer, poorer, through good times and bad part," to which he had to agree. Then I said "Thank God I didn't say "obey" because I would have failed that completely." Laughs.

There are few people on the planet who I have been friends with for a long time. Brian I've known for 25 years of my life. The day I met him I fell for him. Despite our early ins and outs, ups and downs, breakups and reunions, when we married 6 years 2 months 24 days ago, I married the one person I truly belong to, and who belongs to me.

Our lives aren't just our losses. But they've been true tests of our love, commitment and ability to lean on each other.

Lots of days, like lately, we're Rome...but someday I can't wait to get back to Paris.