"Relax"

I got laid off from my job in late February. Since then, I've dutifully applied for jobs, interviewed with a couple of places, and gotten one rejection letter.

It's odd, this space of unemployment I'm in. You get this feeling that the whole world is going to work in their cubes, and I continue to sit in front of my computer, wearing yesterday's sweatshirt, not bothering to put my contacts in, and feeling like my sole purpose in life right now is to keep my two cats company during the day.

It's something of a rollercoaster, not the big ones, just sort of one of those kiddie coasters that don't go too far up or down. I have days where I enjoy being off work, keeping house and working on little projects here and there. Then there are days like today where I drink too much coffee and start getting nervous about my future.

It's hard to put a finger on it. Perhaps it's just that feeling of being an outsider in a workaholic world. Perhaps it's my own Protestant work ethic that says "I should be doing something".

I also don't want to take a job just for the sake of working. I've done that before and wasted two years of my life here, two years of my life there, just because I had a job and didn't see the need to change it.

I certainly have gone in phases of letting life happen TO me, then having phases where I take charge and make some positive moves. Right now, I'm definitely in limbo as I consider what my next direction will be.

Meanwhile, I should relax and just think about what I want to be when I grow up. But "Relax" is a four-letter word to me...especially when other people tell me to do it.

In reality, I want to work for a company or organization that helps people -- and I don't mean "helping people finance their house"...I mean more of a social service.
I don't have to get rich doing it...I just need enough to pay my bills and do a little traveling now and then.

Is that so bad?

I think I need to plug in my yoga dvd and breathe.