Saturday, August 02, 2008

I am a Serial Killer of Household Appliances

Yes, I killed another one.


Let's all bow our heads and have a moment of silence for the SpaceMaker GE Microwave that adorned the stove. It was a good tool. It heated Nora's milk bottles. It started making rice tonight.

Then it died.

There had been squeaking coming from it for about a week. The motor died, and then there was an awful smell. Please note the darkened window where the time used to be told in digital read out. The lights are out and I put them there.

This is not the first time I have killed. In fact, one might say I am a serial killer of appliances, because I have left a path of expensive destruction in my wake. And what a wake it is.

Let's recap what I have killed so far. (Because you know I am not done):

First, let's start with what I killed while living at Jeff & Judy's house:

1) I broke the knob on the dryer. Judy had to special order a new one.
2) I was the last person to use the washer before they had to buy a new front-loader. (I swear they needed a new one anyway).
3) I killed the coffee maker (I replaced it).
4) I might as well take credit for being the last person to use the KitchenAid mixer before the awful grinding sound. Fortunately that one was still on warranty. Unconditional warranty.

Now, since I've lived in THIS house, I've killed:

5) The dryer first
6) Then the washer
7 and 8) I might as well take credit for the death of both vacuum cleaners that died in Jeff & Judy's garage during the large storm, since it WAS my idea to move here in the first place.
9) The old microwave is missing. No one can find the body.
10) I hit the laptop so hard the hard drive had a fatal error. That's killing it, isn't it?
11) I happened to be in the room the day the 32" TV died. It made a horrible sound when it died too. Like I was stabbing it.
And finally:
12) RIP Microwave.

The good news? Since it's a built-in, for some reason this one appliance (along with the stove and dishwasher, which I have my eye on) are covered by a warranty that came with the house, so I only have to shell out $55 for the "service call".

I kill 'em, they remove the bodies.

Now THAT'S what I call service.

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