Thursday, August 03, 2006

The Angels Are Bowling


Cracks of Thunder & Lightning Posted by Picasa

It's the second day in a row that we've had cracks of thunder overhead. Yesterday we had a tremendous rain storm that screwed up my phone line for most of last night and knocked out my Caller ID.

Today as I sat out on my porch, I hard the long rumble of thunder in the distance. I don't know why it struck me as funny, but I remember someone telling me when I was a kid and scared of thunderstorms that the reason the sky makes that noise is that "The angels are bowling."

I've been thinking about angels a lot lately, mostly because of my babes lost. I saw a book on Amazon.com for explaining miscarriage to children, and its title is "We Were Going To Have A Baby, But We Had An Angel Instead".

As I venture out into the world, I see pregnant women. I wonder if I'd be that big by now. I find myself quickly looking away, as if that's going to change anything.

Instead, I have another angel.

I can't help but wonder exactly what the purpose of all this loss in our lives is about. I know, I feel a different kind of love for a baby after losing Jacob. He was mine. Some days I just want to tell God that "That's not enough."

Well, it has to be because that's what it is.

I type those words, another crack of thunder comes closer & louder, and I wonder. Some angel just threw a strike. Or God's trying to tell me something, like "I have way more power than you." Or maybe just the weather's bad.

Anyway, I'm wandering around here I know. I just think sometimes that's what I need to do. Wander.

I better stop now and shut down the computer before God shows me just how little power I have -- as in electricity.

Bowl a strike for me, Jacob.

CRACK.

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