I made it til about noon, and for some reason I felt like crying. My phone was acting up, and I called DH just to test it out, since I needed a friendly voice. I just felt like bawling, going home...something. I guess there's nothing like going back to a thankless job to make me feel like "WHAT the heck am I on this planet for?!?"
Then, at 6, Rick, the night security guard came in the door behind me. "Hi Mama," he said. He's said that to me since he found out I was pregnant. He said it a second time (I ignored it hoping he would just go away), so I said "please don't say that." Well, of course, he said "Why?" And I said gently "I'm sorry Rick. I've been on leave. I lost the baby." Of course he felt terrible. He apologized and said no one told him. I said "That's ok, sweetie. You didn't know." He is SO NICE. I felt so bad.
I got home, and have just spent the last two hours in tears.
Also, last night we got a call late in the afternoon to say the Solace class for parents was starting LAST night instead of next week, and we just couldn't pull it together to go. DH just couldn't do it, and quite frankly, I just couldn't either after getting through my first day.
This just sucks. I just wish I knew what to do. How on earth do I move forward? I took out Jacob's heart-shaped urn tonight for the first time, and just held it and cried.
Thanks for reading. I know there isn't much anyone can do. I just feel so heartbroken tonight.