Wednesday, January 28, 2015

It's Been Too Long!

I suspended my blog a few years ago, partly because of a lack of time with nursing school, but also because I had someone who, despite not knowing me personally, took it upon herself to be a troll on my blog. 

While I'm never shocked that people get a little offended at my outspokenness (because I get it, not everyone agrees with me, especially if you're a rabid Republican Obama hater), the experience was a bit of a surprise to find someone go to such lengths to create fake names and e-mail addresses so they could troll my blog, as well as a private board that I belonged to. It took time to figure it out, but I did. I am quite capable of doing a little internet sleuthing, and I know *exactly* who is/was responsible. 

Suffice to say, time has passed, and I honestly don't care what anyone thinks, and if they still get access to me, or take the time to read these words, they will know who they are, and this will be the extent of the information they get about what I know. I deleted them from the board we belonged to when I came to own it, and shut down this blog so she couldn't see my thoughts or have access to me through comments. 

As time passed, I realized that I cannot in any way let myself be intimidated by bullies, because I have through my recent life experience, finally figure out what bullies are about....and I never really got it until I experienced it within my own family as an adult. When you're a kid like I was, in a family of five, you get pushed around by older siblings, physically and mentally, but that's "normal". 

But when you get older, and someone starts pushing you around, and you look at them and say "stop" -- both literally and figuratively -- and they fail to, well...let's just say it is also an eye-opener. 

When you're a kid, you hear adults talk about how bullies are full of blustering and scariness, and that their bully behavior is based on a lack of self esteem. But I didn't get it until it really played itself out for me as an adult, when I was old enough and wise enough to see it for what it was. There is a great battle that goes on when your family goes into turmoil. Some of it is outside forces -- like a cheating spouse or family member -- some of it is a battle from within, realizing that you are being pulled in two directions, and that you have a choice to make, and that choice of self-preservation involves distancing yourself from people and things that you once held dear.

But even though what happened was earth-shattering to me, it has also been incredibly freeing. There was a time when loyalty to my family meant only one thing, and that was not questioning those above me. 

Now, I know, that questioning others and expecting answers (whether I get them or not) is not only my right, but my responsibility as a human being. 

More details perhaps, later. 

Suffice to say, I am back. If you are my friend on Facebook you can e-mail me there. 

Thank you in advance for reading! I will start to blog again, hopefully somewhere near daily. 

                                                                       --- Jules 

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