Another First: The First School Thing.

Miss Nora, so proud to be with her Bestema, is dressed and ready for her first school event.

I don't know about you, but I was doing fine up til the day of Nora's first school thing.

About a month ago, in amongst the various things that come home from school or arrive in the mail, was a note for us to come to the Spring Program, including the kindergarten graduation.
But the day of Nora's first school event came, and suddenly I found myself all choked up about it.

My kid was going to stand up in front of everyone and sing with her class...and I was going to be that dorky parent in the crowd, choking back the tears.

OK, well, I wasn't choking. The good news is, I actually just wiped away a few and didn't embarrass myself or anyone else, but considering what they sang first, I think I did pretty well.

When Nora got up on stage with her little classmates, the first song they sang was "You Are My Sunshine."

That was the VERY FIRST SONG I sang her out loud in the NICU when she was just HOURS OLD.
So yeah, I think I did pretty well not just busting out into open sobs...

She sang loud and well, along with her class, and I discovered that maybe that night wasn't the night to have her wear a dress with no leggings underneath, as she pulled her dress up so the whole church could see her underpants...but fortunately teacher Erin pulled it down and Nora didn't go for an encore.
...Nora was so proud to have sung so well. Bestema did the right thing by encouraging her to sing out loud "for Bestema".

Aunt Julia, who doesn't miss anyone's debut, made it too.

And I snuck into the 3rd row in the front where Nora could see me, so she knew where one friendly face was in the crowd.


Believe me, as a parent to one very borderline over-loved child, there is NOTHING more gratifying than that look on your baby's face when she picks you out in a crowd, smiles and then rejoins her group because she knows you're there.



...And afterwards, we all had pie.

Thank you Miss Nora, for being ours. Every day is a new day with you, and watching you sing and play and hug your friends and teachers tells me you're happy, and you bring happiness to others besides me.

The world is better with you in it.

"When Two Vowels Go Walking...The First One Does The Talking"

My little sweet pea.

Nora's just about 4 months shy of her 4th birthday now, if you can believe that.

I know I can't...

She loves her school, she loves life...and as it turns out, her ABCs.

I've been working with her on Starfall.com, an awesome website that helps teach children to read.

I read somewhere it was originally set up by the parents of a son who has autism, and that it helped him learn how to sound out words when other methods failed.

It's been amazing to watch Miss Nora as she learns her letters and the sounds they make.


Tonight is Brian and my anniversary and we had a very long day today -- I had an exam this morning (my last one for the term, before the final), and then an afternoon seminar.

We decided to go to Applebees for dinner -- a favorite spot for us as they have great deals on dinner for two, and Nora gets taken care of with a good kiddie menu.

While we were waiting for dinner, I wrote "I love Nora" on a napkin, as Brian was talking about working on letters and words with Nora, and I turned it towards her and said "What does this say?" and she said "LOVE!" and then I said "What else does this say?" and she said "NORA! That's ME!"

We also spelled out some other words, like CAT and MOM, and she got those right too. A few others as we started to sound them out, she followed.

It is truly amazing to see your little one start to read and sound things out. I tucked the napkin away, and she looked at me like she wasn't sure what I was doing, and I just said "Sorry kid, but that's going into the fossil record."

Someday, we'll cover what fossils are...

My little girl isn't a baby or even a toddler anymore.

She says "I do it, Mom!" or "I do it by my own!" when she wants to do something by herself.

We went to the shoe store afterwards and she tried on several pairs of summer sandals and picked one becuase they were "just like Mommy's" and when Brian tried to bring out a navy blue pair, she very clearly said "Those are for boys, Dad."

She chose Hello Kitty accessories and cute sandals, and said "Thank you Daddy" at the end of the night.

Such a sweet pea.

March for Marx Brother #6, Wait. March for BABIES!

Miss Nora and I got ourselves dressed up and headed out for the March for Babies this morning!

I joined my friend Patti, her sister, and a couple of nurses from the hospital, and we walked around Bush Park, at which point we split up.

I had to study more today, so I didn't have time to do the full 10K, so we did the 3K part around the park.
Nora and I then went to the park's playgrounds and played a little before heading home.
It was a great day, and I raised $500 from so many people who were kind enough to donate.

Thanks again to all of you who chipped in!

School Picture Day

Nora loves her school.

She loves her teachers and her friends Belle, Maddie and Brinkly.

She tells me about how she sits next to Julian at lunch, or how teacher Amy will rub her back during nap time, which puts her to sleep.

She loves "Show & Tell" (it's only on Fridays, but she think she has to take a toy everyday, and I don't stop her).

She loves play time, story time, and her new ability to wear pigtails.

She also loves wearing an "undershirt like Mommy does" -- since I wear my scrubs at least four days a week, and she sees me wear my white shirt under my uniform because it's so cold.

So here's my little darlin'. Three and a half years old, who makes me laugh every day, makes me smile every day, and when I see this school picture, I get a little misty.

When they say "They grow so fast," truer words are never spoken.

Things That Make Me Look Back & Laugh:

I was searching old e-mails in hopes of finding a quilt pattern I need to take up, and found the following e-mail, sent 9/5/07, just 12 days before Miss Nora was born:

" Hi Everyone!

I just spoke with Dr. P. -- he stopped by late today and apologized for taking so long. We had our ultrasound yesterday (Brian was able to stick around here for it before going out for work, thankfully!) and our girl is looking good. She's estimated to be 4 lbs., 5 oz so far, and while her head and abdomen are measuring "right on", her legs are Mohrs...measuring 2 weeks ahead!

Dr. P said she is "looking fantastic" and is in the 66th percentile (just above average) for size, and weighs about 1937 grams. He said if I have a significant bleed at this point, they won't wait to take the baby now that we're closing in on 33 weeks, because "your baby is going to be just fine."

Those words are just music to my ears.

Brian is on his way home from Bend tonight. Mom & Miriam came up to see me for several hours today, and I'm still working on Miriam's quilt.

Attached is a grainy pic of our girl -- chubby cheeks and all. I hope you can make it out, although to be truthful it looked like a Rorsach test to me more than anything until the tech pointed everything out.

Love and hugs to you all!

Jules:

New Chair Day

Miss Nora's child-sized rocking chair we bought so many years in Denver finally broke down enough that we couldn't use it anymore...

That little chair I bought when I was pregnant the very first time way back in 2002, ended up sitting in our basement in Denver for five years before we moved here, and Nora finally could use it...

But the other day, that chair, which was old, falling apart, and had been fixed by several people without much in the way of woodworking skills, pinched Nora's fingers, and frankly, she'd outgrown it anyway.

I got online at Amazon and found this chair on sale at Amazon, and there were several design choices and Nora chose this one...We ordered it Tuesday and I told her it would take a couple of days. I didn't mention it again.

The thing that really amazed me was when I picked her up at school today, I said she got something in the mail today, and she said "MY CHAIR!"

She remembered!

It's amazing to me how she can recall things from days earlier, with no real prompting. It just shows me how she's growing up!

Spring Break

Boy howdy, this Spring Break turned out differently than we originally planned, but well worth the road trip!
Nora and I went south to California, originally with a trip planned to get spoiled rotten at my Aunt Kathy's for a few days, then going to San Francisco by ourselves (over my birthday), and then home...

But upon arrival (literally within a few minutes), my uncle, who had been sick for a while, got an initial diagnosis of something relatively contagious, and we decided that Nora especially would be best not seeing him, so we ended up checking into a hotel in Sacramento.


A few days of seeing the sights, and spending LOTS of time at my cousin Mark's house (his wife Cindy is just frankly, one of my FAVORITE people after this trip), Nora got LOTS of face time with Cindy & Mark's youngest kids...

...and we got an epic storm in Sacramento that all but blew the doors open on the hotel we were staying in!


When Brian arrived, we had one last afternoon touring the Sacramento museum of trains (It's the Colorado State Railroad Museum, WELL worth a few hours of your time if you're in the area).

Then it was off to San Francisco with us for the rest of our time off.


The floods were AMAZING, and when Brian flew in on Sunday after we'd been there a few days, he said the whole Sacramento Valley was flooded!

My mom-in-law had arranged for Nora and me to stay at a hotel in downtown San Fran, so we all got to stay literally a half block from the gate to San Fran's Chinatown at Bush & Grant streets!


Monday we drove in and got a lucky day at the zoo (more pictures may follow, but suffice to say, it was our "sunniest" day in SFO considering the spring climate) and Tuesday was my birthday, and we got to spend an entire day in the city, starting at Coit Tower.



We parked our car and took buses and street cars for all of our visit, and ended up touring an apartment on Telegraph Hill.

We walked around an apartment with an open house near Garfield Street, which let us in on a little factoid: For only $359,000, a 700 square foot apartment could be ours in a VERY desirable neighborhood! LOL
>...After that little reality check, we stopped at a Lombard Street deli for sandwiches and goodies, and walked the rest of the way to the Pier where we could see the sea lions and enjoy our lunch. We then went to Ghirardelli Square, and bought a little chocolate, and then took the street car "home".
We weren't done with our day yet though, as we walked through Chinatown and shopped enough to buy Miss Nora a Chinese umbrella, and find her a place to play at a local park.

aThen we went to a Pizza place (Uncle Vito's) near the hotel, where a TWIN set of women in their 80s came to eat in the window seat near us. They said they were from Kalamazoo, Michigan, which is where MY MOM is from. MOM remembered them! She said they used to walk in step together! When I showed her the picture, she recognized them!!



Our last day we checked out of the hotel and headed north. We meanedered across the Golden Gate Bridge, then had lunch in a wine town North of SFO, and headed towards the northern California Coast.

We stayed in a rather obscure little cabin not far from Arcata, CA. It was one of those strange little off-the-road combination cabin/gas station/mini-mart places with (in this case) great service and friendly staff.
And finally, last Thursday evening, we drove the rest of the way home.

I'll tell you, the difference between this year and last is Nora's travel aptitude -- I did SFO by myself with her last year and she was only 2.5 years old...this year, she REMEMBERED the playground in Chinatown and was VERY active in deciding where we went, and very excited about our plans.

She traveled very well!

The ONLY Picture of the Day...

While Brian holds down the fort, Nora and I are on our way south to California to see Aunt Kathy and Uncle Richard, and pick up our Bestema and bring her home!

Well, today we drove through Oregon and made it to our favorite stopping point along our way, in Weed, CA.

This view of Mount Shasta is what greeted us in the parking lot as we crossed it to go to get some dinner...SO rarely is this mountain "out" due to cloud cover, it really was a feast for the eyes!

I'm going to try and blog a little bit more during my spring break...hopefully time will allow it!

I can't wait to see Aunt Kathy & Uncle Rich, the tribe, and spend a few days in San Francisco for my birthday!

Second Term Down

Nursing school is hard.

We're not really allowed to write about our experiences, because well -- you could risk someone figuring out what patient you're talking about, or whatever other breach of confidentiality could occur...

But suffice to say I made it through the second term. I got my first B in a really really long time, and it felt goood. Why? Because I kissed my ALL A's goodbye, and embraced the fact that getting a B was fine. It was getting through, I have the knowledge I need, and perfection isn't everything.

The best meeting was with my advisor today.

She doesn't give out high grades, and I got two of them. She said "You did this. this and this...You're ready for the next level."

I am proudest of being able to handle two patients, to be able to give them meds on my own, and assess their needs and meet them.

And at the end, I made it through.

We lost a lot of really great people from our program this term, because the testing is brutal and for a variety of reasons, they didn't make it through.

For that I am sorry.

But I love school. I'm doing well, and I know this is what I'm meant to do.

Not everyone gets that.

On to Spring Break and a new term!

A Grand Day Out

Brian and I have been tag-team parenting every weekend for so long we have started to lose count...Well, there was that little Christmas break, but even then, we were working and studying to some degree.

This past week was a crazy one for me in nursing school. Nursing school is split up into basically three sections: Theory classes/exams (where we learn about disease processes and other nursing theory topics; Skills lab (where we learn how to give injections, run IVs, give tube feedings, etc.) and Clinical (going to a hospital or long term care facility). This past week I had my first clinical week at the hospital, a skills checkoff (showing I had the skill to give subcutaneous injections and hang IV bags), AND an exam on Friday.
Needless to say, by Friday I felt like I'd been spit out at the end of the week.

Brian has been traveling a lot for work too, so he doesn't exactly get to rest either. He's in school to become an electrician on top of that, so each weekend lately has become a routine of us taking turns with Nora and with our school work, and finally sometime Sunday afternoon, trying to spend time as a family.



Today was abnormally warm for a day in January...and the sky opened up with a fabulous blue that we haven't seen since *I think* -- September or October.

So after Brian got up at 5:30 and studied til 10, and I went out and studied til 2...we ran up to Silver Falls for a couple of hours of walking around the South Falls...

At the bottom we had a snack, and boy, I can tell you what a difference it is to walk this trail (some with drop-offs) with a 3-year-old instead of 2+ year old. She's old enough now to understand our instructions to stay away from the edges, and follows it pretty well.

What a fun day it was to get out for a little while!

The Present

Nora's quilt was a big hit.

I hoped she'd just like it, but she LOVED it...

The smartest thing I did was after making the top, I took her to the fabric store and said I was looking for pink and purple fabric, and had her pick some out, and I used those for the borders and backing for the quilt itself.

When she saw it, she said "You made that for me!"

And promptly laid down on it...

And since we've brought it home, she's said several times "You made that for me. Thanks Mom."

She literally THANKS me for making her a quilt.

Thank YOU, Miss Nora...for being here to receive it.

Cute Picture Of The Day

Miss Nora and I spent the better part of Christmas Break up in Seattle, since Brian's been working up there a lot lately.

We got a couple of trips in to the Seattle Center...an IMAX movie about bugs...LOTS of time with family, and spoiled rotten with presents.

But my favorite moments this past month have been watching Nora's communication and fun-loving personality come out. Tonight as we sat at dinner, she actually tried to *make conversation* by asking me "What's your favorite color?" and "What's your favorite engine?" as we were coloring in the Thomas the Tank Engine coloring book.

Our little goofball has gone verbal...and with it has opened up a whole new world.

And today my favorite color is purple. When she asks me again tomorrow it will probably be red.

Or maybe green.

The beauty of being 3 is that "favorite" doesn't mean you're locked into anything.

Christmas Means What?

Food.
Christmas presents.
Explaining things to my kid about Christmas and what it really means.

I find myself, the perennial agnostic, wanting to make sure my daughter understands the true meaning of Christmas. Not because I necessarily take it all literally, but because Christmas just can't mean Santa and commercialism and nothing else.

No, Christmas has to mean the hope, and light and goodness of Love, whether it's my love or a greater God's love for her.

I can't just whitewash Christmas into the retail event that Target has managed to do.

I'm VERY cognizant of the fact that Christmas isn't anything religious for everyone, and for me it really isn't either. It's not anybody's fault except maybe my own. I just find it very hard in the long litany of sad events in my life that there is a "plan" for me, and if there is, that it's got much benevolence behind it.

My faith has been tested, and it's failed miserably. I don't feel anger at God. I feel well, separated.

A lot of Christians would get really upset about that. That's often their definition of hell. But no, I'm not in hell. I have quite a happy life. I have given God a big heave-ho on the expectations front. I don't expect anything, and therefore I'm not let down.

And yes, as a good agnostic, I question His very existence all the time. Sometimes I would even dare say I can deny it.

But then Christmas rolls around. I love Christmas services. It reminds me of much of what was right and good about my childhood. One where my Dad the Lutheran pastor preached of the anticipation and excitement of Jesus' birth. Often trying to drag our thoughts as children OFF of Santa Claus for a few minutes, and focus again on the "reason for the season."

In my adult life, I've learned plenty about the fact that this "Season" isn't just Christian, but surrounded by many other festivals and holidays that were there before Christianity. That December 25 is simply an arbitrary date picked out by those who wanted to plant a Christian holiday among heathen ones, perhaps.

But in the end, I just have that one hour in a good old fashioned candle light service where I get to put it aside, and wonder if it all were true, and Jesus really was born as the Son of God here on Earth to forgive sins, or take them away...

What a gift that is.

And while my brain still goes back and forth and back again, I think more about all the other religions, and our similarities and differences, and realize that simply what we all need is more Hope, more Peace, and more Love.

So Merry Christmas people, from my agnostic heart that still wants to believe, even if it's just because it makes me feel better.

Quilt Top

It's been AGES since I quilted anything. I have material to make one for my Aunt. My niece is waiting for hers too -- and I will have to get hers done in time for her to start college in Chicago next fall. But in the meantime, I wanted to do something I could do relatively quickly to get my feet wet and to just have a little fun:
This quilt top I finished today is just a nutty experiment of mine. I've made so many ordered, geometrically balanced quilts, I wanted to do something just sort of random.

So I made a bunch of blocks of 2 inch squares and sewed them together.

Nora and I went to the fabric store today and she picked the pink and purple border, and we got more of that Holy Cow That's Hot Pink for the backing too. She hasn't seen the top, and doesn't know what she picked it out for, but I plan on having this machine quilted and finished by Christmas.

There will be a small lime green binding around the edges too, which will help balance it out -- I haven't had time since she was born to make something just for her, so this is it -- till she can choose her own!

The other night she looked at a small quilt I made many years ago and I told her I made it, and she said "You made that for ME!" --

Hopefully this will get the same response.

Seattle Times

I wish I had more time to blog, but I just don't...I WILL try to keep up with the holiday season a bit, as I will have some time off of school, including this Thanksgiving break.


We spent Thanksgiving itself at my sister's house nearby, and today we went up to Seattle to meet up with Oma and Opa and see the Christmas/Winterfest parade, and do a little shopping.



I wouldn't have gone into ANY retail store for myself today, except for some reason, the hat I SWORE I put on Nora's head last night couldn't be found this morning, so following the parade, we went into Old Navy near Nordstrom, and waited in line to get IN to the store as well as out!
But we did get a good hat for Nora (and a vest and a couple of new fleece shirts).
But the most fun by far was all the street musicians Nora ran into, from a 10 or 11-year-old girl playing her violin on the street at First & Pike (near the Pike Place Market) to the "band" Nora was invited to sit in on with a guy at 5th & Pine near Nordy's.

Nora was SO enthralled with playing with the guy that she went back and said "I want to play in the band again."


She got drumsticks in her hands and she was off and running again. Too cute!

Afterwards we had lunch at Pike Place Market before heading home for the evening. What a fun day in the city!

My Pride & Joy

My little girl does nothing but brighten my day, every day.

While a lot of people like to point at her as my miracle (and she most certainly is), I think having a loss after her has been especially difficult to take in, in part because I now know better than ever exactly what I'm missing when I don't get to have another baby.

Nora's doing so great in school -- We hear often from the teachers that she is a bright spot in their day, is kind and fun and thoroughly enjoys the other kids.

I can tell just by her quantum leaps in vocabulary and conversation that school has been great for her.

And then the funny little things she does:

While I was in the hospital yesterday, my friend Patti brought me a stuffed animal (an Obama Dog replica)and when she saw it on the dining room table this morning, she snapped it up and headed on down the hall towards her bedroom with it.

I hollered after her "The dog's name is BO!" and without slowing down or missing a beat, she turned the dog towards her and said "Hi, Bo!"

And now he's sleeping in her room, the new favorite toy.

Last & Final

It's been a pretty hard week or so.

I found out just before school started this fall that I was pregnant. It was a BIG surprise, needless to say, as we'd long given up on the prospect of anymore children.

Poor Brian walked into the bathroom to put some towels away only to find me standing there with my mouth literally hanging open and my hand trembling and holding a positive pregnancy test.

So yeah, SURPRISE! It took us a little bit, but before the end of the day we were both at least thinking that this could go well and we could add another room to the house by finishing the garage or something...and I got into the doc that Monday morning and started heparin and just a few weeks later, we had a heartbeat.

I didn't blog about it or put it on Facebook initially. We even waited to tell most family and friends until we saw a heartbeat, but the baby's growth was slow and apparently getting slower, so when I should have been 10 weeks, the baby's heartbeat was gone, and s/he was only measuring 7 weeks 3 days.

And so another ending to yet another pregnancy.

I'm well over 40. Our daughter is 3...and while we'd love to get her a sibling, we've come to the determination that we're done trying to do that biologically. Maybe after nursing school we can consider adoption, maybe we'll just be ok with the one we have. One is, after all, a miracle for us, and I certainly love the prospect of the simplicity of one.

So I had to go in to the hospital for surgery yesterday because I didn't naturally miscarry on my own...and while the doc was in the area, I had her tie my tubes.

Well, they don't tie them anymore...they use lasers and laproscopic surgery, so in all, it wasn't that painful.

But I digress.

So my little one who's joining all the other ones will be my last and final pregnancy.

I'm ok with that -- more than ok -- even relieved.

Moving on to another phase of life isn't always easy, and maybe there will be days when I grieve it more. But after so many disasters, I don't care to live through anymore.

Movin' on...