You know when you get that phone message from a friend that starts with "I got a weird phone call the other day..." that some weird paradigm shift is about to happen.
My ex-husband, who remains nameless everywhere I refer to him for lack of wanting to give him any credit, including stealing 6 years of my life, called the other day to tell me his Dad had passed away.
He didn't call me -- because he doesn't know where I am in the least bit.
Heck, he called the obscure central Washington newspaper, where I worked like 9 years ago.
But he called, and left a message with someone who knew someone who knew where to find me.
So Donald Delano Wright of Seattle is gone.
I don't miss my ex, or anything about him, except his family.
His Dad, Don, was the same age as my Dad. He was a wonderful, gentle, kind man who loved politics, writing, and his family, and out of anyone to lose touch with in a divorce -- his loss was felt more to me than anyone else in the family.
Wanna know what's really weird? Just a couple of months ago, during one of my 3 a.m. feedings with Nora with the laptop open to the Internet, I did a search on both Don and his wife, wondering if either of them had passed on.
I had even mentioned that search to my Mom. When I told her that Don had passed, she looked at me and said "I'm really starting to wonder about you."
You see, this is my second "psychic" thing to happen in a few months. I told my Mom this summer that I thought my baby was going to be born early -- in September even -- and she was.
How weird is that?
Today I got an e-mail from the ex's sister, looking to thank me for signing the "guest book" online. I e-mailed her back to say hello, and share a picture and news of Nora.
If nothing else, I hope they know I'll miss knowing their Dad was on the planet. But if I get to know how the ex's family is doing that would be fabulous too. They really are good people, and I felt bad for the divorce making it so I couldn't really talk to them. I just didn't want the ex to feel like HE had access to me and what I was up to through his family, so a complete cut-off at the time was necessary.
Because in the end, while divorce is relatively easy legally speaking, it's hardest on the families, the kids, the nephews and nieces who wonder "where the heck did Aunt Jules go?"