School Picture Day

Nora loves her school.

She loves her teachers and her friends Belle, Maddie and Brinkly.

She tells me about how she sits next to Julian at lunch, or how teacher Amy will rub her back during nap time, which puts her to sleep.

She loves "Show & Tell" (it's only on Fridays, but she think she has to take a toy everyday, and I don't stop her).

She loves play time, story time, and her new ability to wear pigtails.

She also loves wearing an "undershirt like Mommy does" -- since I wear my scrubs at least four days a week, and she sees me wear my white shirt under my uniform because it's so cold.

So here's my little darlin'. Three and a half years old, who makes me laugh every day, makes me smile every day, and when I see this school picture, I get a little misty.

When they say "They grow so fast," truer words are never spoken.

Things That Make Me Look Back & Laugh:

I was searching old e-mails in hopes of finding a quilt pattern I need to take up, and found the following e-mail, sent 9/5/07, just 12 days before Miss Nora was born:

" Hi Everyone!

I just spoke with Dr. P. -- he stopped by late today and apologized for taking so long. We had our ultrasound yesterday (Brian was able to stick around here for it before going out for work, thankfully!) and our girl is looking good. She's estimated to be 4 lbs., 5 oz so far, and while her head and abdomen are measuring "right on", her legs are Mohrs...measuring 2 weeks ahead!

Dr. P said she is "looking fantastic" and is in the 66th percentile (just above average) for size, and weighs about 1937 grams. He said if I have a significant bleed at this point, they won't wait to take the baby now that we're closing in on 33 weeks, because "your baby is going to be just fine."

Those words are just music to my ears.

Brian is on his way home from Bend tonight. Mom & Miriam came up to see me for several hours today, and I'm still working on Miriam's quilt.

Attached is a grainy pic of our girl -- chubby cheeks and all. I hope you can make it out, although to be truthful it looked like a Rorsach test to me more than anything until the tech pointed everything out.

Love and hugs to you all!

Jules:

New Chair Day

Miss Nora's child-sized rocking chair we bought so many years in Denver finally broke down enough that we couldn't use it anymore...

That little chair I bought when I was pregnant the very first time way back in 2002, ended up sitting in our basement in Denver for five years before we moved here, and Nora finally could use it...

But the other day, that chair, which was old, falling apart, and had been fixed by several people without much in the way of woodworking skills, pinched Nora's fingers, and frankly, she'd outgrown it anyway.

I got online at Amazon and found this chair on sale at Amazon, and there were several design choices and Nora chose this one...We ordered it Tuesday and I told her it would take a couple of days. I didn't mention it again.

The thing that really amazed me was when I picked her up at school today, I said she got something in the mail today, and she said "MY CHAIR!"

She remembered!

It's amazing to me how she can recall things from days earlier, with no real prompting. It just shows me how she's growing up!

Spring Break

Boy howdy, this Spring Break turned out differently than we originally planned, but well worth the road trip!
Nora and I went south to California, originally with a trip planned to get spoiled rotten at my Aunt Kathy's for a few days, then going to San Francisco by ourselves (over my birthday), and then home...

But upon arrival (literally within a few minutes), my uncle, who had been sick for a while, got an initial diagnosis of something relatively contagious, and we decided that Nora especially would be best not seeing him, so we ended up checking into a hotel in Sacramento.


A few days of seeing the sights, and spending LOTS of time at my cousin Mark's house (his wife Cindy is just frankly, one of my FAVORITE people after this trip), Nora got LOTS of face time with Cindy & Mark's youngest kids...

...and we got an epic storm in Sacramento that all but blew the doors open on the hotel we were staying in!


When Brian arrived, we had one last afternoon touring the Sacramento museum of trains (It's the Colorado State Railroad Museum, WELL worth a few hours of your time if you're in the area).

Then it was off to San Francisco with us for the rest of our time off.


The floods were AMAZING, and when Brian flew in on Sunday after we'd been there a few days, he said the whole Sacramento Valley was flooded!

My mom-in-law had arranged for Nora and me to stay at a hotel in downtown San Fran, so we all got to stay literally a half block from the gate to San Fran's Chinatown at Bush & Grant streets!


Monday we drove in and got a lucky day at the zoo (more pictures may follow, but suffice to say, it was our "sunniest" day in SFO considering the spring climate) and Tuesday was my birthday, and we got to spend an entire day in the city, starting at Coit Tower.



We parked our car and took buses and street cars for all of our visit, and ended up touring an apartment on Telegraph Hill.

We walked around an apartment with an open house near Garfield Street, which let us in on a little factoid: For only $359,000, a 700 square foot apartment could be ours in a VERY desirable neighborhood! LOL
>...After that little reality check, we stopped at a Lombard Street deli for sandwiches and goodies, and walked the rest of the way to the Pier where we could see the sea lions and enjoy our lunch. We then went to Ghirardelli Square, and bought a little chocolate, and then took the street car "home".
We weren't done with our day yet though, as we walked through Chinatown and shopped enough to buy Miss Nora a Chinese umbrella, and find her a place to play at a local park.

aThen we went to a Pizza place (Uncle Vito's) near the hotel, where a TWIN set of women in their 80s came to eat in the window seat near us. They said they were from Kalamazoo, Michigan, which is where MY MOM is from. MOM remembered them! She said they used to walk in step together! When I showed her the picture, she recognized them!!



Our last day we checked out of the hotel and headed north. We meanedered across the Golden Gate Bridge, then had lunch in a wine town North of SFO, and headed towards the northern California Coast.

We stayed in a rather obscure little cabin not far from Arcata, CA. It was one of those strange little off-the-road combination cabin/gas station/mini-mart places with (in this case) great service and friendly staff.
And finally, last Thursday evening, we drove the rest of the way home.

I'll tell you, the difference between this year and last is Nora's travel aptitude -- I did SFO by myself with her last year and she was only 2.5 years old...this year, she REMEMBERED the playground in Chinatown and was VERY active in deciding where we went, and very excited about our plans.

She traveled very well!

The ONLY Picture of the Day...

While Brian holds down the fort, Nora and I are on our way south to California to see Aunt Kathy and Uncle Richard, and pick up our Bestema and bring her home!

Well, today we drove through Oregon and made it to our favorite stopping point along our way, in Weed, CA.

This view of Mount Shasta is what greeted us in the parking lot as we crossed it to go to get some dinner...SO rarely is this mountain "out" due to cloud cover, it really was a feast for the eyes!

I'm going to try and blog a little bit more during my spring break...hopefully time will allow it!

I can't wait to see Aunt Kathy & Uncle Rich, the tribe, and spend a few days in San Francisco for my birthday!

Second Term Down

Nursing school is hard.

We're not really allowed to write about our experiences, because well -- you could risk someone figuring out what patient you're talking about, or whatever other breach of confidentiality could occur...

But suffice to say I made it through the second term. I got my first B in a really really long time, and it felt goood. Why? Because I kissed my ALL A's goodbye, and embraced the fact that getting a B was fine. It was getting through, I have the knowledge I need, and perfection isn't everything.

The best meeting was with my advisor today.

She doesn't give out high grades, and I got two of them. She said "You did this. this and this...You're ready for the next level."

I am proudest of being able to handle two patients, to be able to give them meds on my own, and assess their needs and meet them.

And at the end, I made it through.

We lost a lot of really great people from our program this term, because the testing is brutal and for a variety of reasons, they didn't make it through.

For that I am sorry.

But I love school. I'm doing well, and I know this is what I'm meant to do.

Not everyone gets that.

On to Spring Break and a new term!

A Grand Day Out

Brian and I have been tag-team parenting every weekend for so long we have started to lose count...Well, there was that little Christmas break, but even then, we were working and studying to some degree.

This past week was a crazy one for me in nursing school. Nursing school is split up into basically three sections: Theory classes/exams (where we learn about disease processes and other nursing theory topics; Skills lab (where we learn how to give injections, run IVs, give tube feedings, etc.) and Clinical (going to a hospital or long term care facility). This past week I had my first clinical week at the hospital, a skills checkoff (showing I had the skill to give subcutaneous injections and hang IV bags), AND an exam on Friday.
Needless to say, by Friday I felt like I'd been spit out at the end of the week.

Brian has been traveling a lot for work too, so he doesn't exactly get to rest either. He's in school to become an electrician on top of that, so each weekend lately has become a routine of us taking turns with Nora and with our school work, and finally sometime Sunday afternoon, trying to spend time as a family.



Today was abnormally warm for a day in January...and the sky opened up with a fabulous blue that we haven't seen since *I think* -- September or October.

So after Brian got up at 5:30 and studied til 10, and I went out and studied til 2...we ran up to Silver Falls for a couple of hours of walking around the South Falls...

At the bottom we had a snack, and boy, I can tell you what a difference it is to walk this trail (some with drop-offs) with a 3-year-old instead of 2+ year old. She's old enough now to understand our instructions to stay away from the edges, and follows it pretty well.

What a fun day it was to get out for a little while!

The Present

Nora's quilt was a big hit.

I hoped she'd just like it, but she LOVED it...

The smartest thing I did was after making the top, I took her to the fabric store and said I was looking for pink and purple fabric, and had her pick some out, and I used those for the borders and backing for the quilt itself.

When she saw it, she said "You made that for me!"

And promptly laid down on it...

And since we've brought it home, she's said several times "You made that for me. Thanks Mom."

She literally THANKS me for making her a quilt.

Thank YOU, Miss Nora...for being here to receive it.

Cute Picture Of The Day

Miss Nora and I spent the better part of Christmas Break up in Seattle, since Brian's been working up there a lot lately.

We got a couple of trips in to the Seattle Center...an IMAX movie about bugs...LOTS of time with family, and spoiled rotten with presents.

But my favorite moments this past month have been watching Nora's communication and fun-loving personality come out. Tonight as we sat at dinner, she actually tried to *make conversation* by asking me "What's your favorite color?" and "What's your favorite engine?" as we were coloring in the Thomas the Tank Engine coloring book.

Our little goofball has gone verbal...and with it has opened up a whole new world.

And today my favorite color is purple. When she asks me again tomorrow it will probably be red.

Or maybe green.

The beauty of being 3 is that "favorite" doesn't mean you're locked into anything.

Christmas Means What?

Food.
Christmas presents.
Explaining things to my kid about Christmas and what it really means.

I find myself, the perennial agnostic, wanting to make sure my daughter understands the true meaning of Christmas. Not because I necessarily take it all literally, but because Christmas just can't mean Santa and commercialism and nothing else.

No, Christmas has to mean the hope, and light and goodness of Love, whether it's my love or a greater God's love for her.

I can't just whitewash Christmas into the retail event that Target has managed to do.

I'm VERY cognizant of the fact that Christmas isn't anything religious for everyone, and for me it really isn't either. It's not anybody's fault except maybe my own. I just find it very hard in the long litany of sad events in my life that there is a "plan" for me, and if there is, that it's got much benevolence behind it.

My faith has been tested, and it's failed miserably. I don't feel anger at God. I feel well, separated.

A lot of Christians would get really upset about that. That's often their definition of hell. But no, I'm not in hell. I have quite a happy life. I have given God a big heave-ho on the expectations front. I don't expect anything, and therefore I'm not let down.

And yes, as a good agnostic, I question His very existence all the time. Sometimes I would even dare say I can deny it.

But then Christmas rolls around. I love Christmas services. It reminds me of much of what was right and good about my childhood. One where my Dad the Lutheran pastor preached of the anticipation and excitement of Jesus' birth. Often trying to drag our thoughts as children OFF of Santa Claus for a few minutes, and focus again on the "reason for the season."

In my adult life, I've learned plenty about the fact that this "Season" isn't just Christian, but surrounded by many other festivals and holidays that were there before Christianity. That December 25 is simply an arbitrary date picked out by those who wanted to plant a Christian holiday among heathen ones, perhaps.

But in the end, I just have that one hour in a good old fashioned candle light service where I get to put it aside, and wonder if it all were true, and Jesus really was born as the Son of God here on Earth to forgive sins, or take them away...

What a gift that is.

And while my brain still goes back and forth and back again, I think more about all the other religions, and our similarities and differences, and realize that simply what we all need is more Hope, more Peace, and more Love.

So Merry Christmas people, from my agnostic heart that still wants to believe, even if it's just because it makes me feel better.

Quilt Top

It's been AGES since I quilted anything. I have material to make one for my Aunt. My niece is waiting for hers too -- and I will have to get hers done in time for her to start college in Chicago next fall. But in the meantime, I wanted to do something I could do relatively quickly to get my feet wet and to just have a little fun:
This quilt top I finished today is just a nutty experiment of mine. I've made so many ordered, geometrically balanced quilts, I wanted to do something just sort of random.

So I made a bunch of blocks of 2 inch squares and sewed them together.

Nora and I went to the fabric store today and she picked the pink and purple border, and we got more of that Holy Cow That's Hot Pink for the backing too. She hasn't seen the top, and doesn't know what she picked it out for, but I plan on having this machine quilted and finished by Christmas.

There will be a small lime green binding around the edges too, which will help balance it out -- I haven't had time since she was born to make something just for her, so this is it -- till she can choose her own!

The other night she looked at a small quilt I made many years ago and I told her I made it, and she said "You made that for ME!" --

Hopefully this will get the same response.

Seattle Times

I wish I had more time to blog, but I just don't...I WILL try to keep up with the holiday season a bit, as I will have some time off of school, including this Thanksgiving break.


We spent Thanksgiving itself at my sister's house nearby, and today we went up to Seattle to meet up with Oma and Opa and see the Christmas/Winterfest parade, and do a little shopping.



I wouldn't have gone into ANY retail store for myself today, except for some reason, the hat I SWORE I put on Nora's head last night couldn't be found this morning, so following the parade, we went into Old Navy near Nordstrom, and waited in line to get IN to the store as well as out!
But we did get a good hat for Nora (and a vest and a couple of new fleece shirts).
But the most fun by far was all the street musicians Nora ran into, from a 10 or 11-year-old girl playing her violin on the street at First & Pike (near the Pike Place Market) to the "band" Nora was invited to sit in on with a guy at 5th & Pine near Nordy's.

Nora was SO enthralled with playing with the guy that she went back and said "I want to play in the band again."


She got drumsticks in her hands and she was off and running again. Too cute!

Afterwards we had lunch at Pike Place Market before heading home for the evening. What a fun day in the city!

My Pride & Joy

My little girl does nothing but brighten my day, every day.

While a lot of people like to point at her as my miracle (and she most certainly is), I think having a loss after her has been especially difficult to take in, in part because I now know better than ever exactly what I'm missing when I don't get to have another baby.

Nora's doing so great in school -- We hear often from the teachers that she is a bright spot in their day, is kind and fun and thoroughly enjoys the other kids.

I can tell just by her quantum leaps in vocabulary and conversation that school has been great for her.

And then the funny little things she does:

While I was in the hospital yesterday, my friend Patti brought me a stuffed animal (an Obama Dog replica)and when she saw it on the dining room table this morning, she snapped it up and headed on down the hall towards her bedroom with it.

I hollered after her "The dog's name is BO!" and without slowing down or missing a beat, she turned the dog towards her and said "Hi, Bo!"

And now he's sleeping in her room, the new favorite toy.

Last & Final

It's been a pretty hard week or so.

I found out just before school started this fall that I was pregnant. It was a BIG surprise, needless to say, as we'd long given up on the prospect of anymore children.

Poor Brian walked into the bathroom to put some towels away only to find me standing there with my mouth literally hanging open and my hand trembling and holding a positive pregnancy test.

So yeah, SURPRISE! It took us a little bit, but before the end of the day we were both at least thinking that this could go well and we could add another room to the house by finishing the garage or something...and I got into the doc that Monday morning and started heparin and just a few weeks later, we had a heartbeat.

I didn't blog about it or put it on Facebook initially. We even waited to tell most family and friends until we saw a heartbeat, but the baby's growth was slow and apparently getting slower, so when I should have been 10 weeks, the baby's heartbeat was gone, and s/he was only measuring 7 weeks 3 days.

And so another ending to yet another pregnancy.

I'm well over 40. Our daughter is 3...and while we'd love to get her a sibling, we've come to the determination that we're done trying to do that biologically. Maybe after nursing school we can consider adoption, maybe we'll just be ok with the one we have. One is, after all, a miracle for us, and I certainly love the prospect of the simplicity of one.

So I had to go in to the hospital for surgery yesterday because I didn't naturally miscarry on my own...and while the doc was in the area, I had her tie my tubes.

Well, they don't tie them anymore...they use lasers and laproscopic surgery, so in all, it wasn't that painful.

But I digress.

So my little one who's joining all the other ones will be my last and final pregnancy.

I'm ok with that -- more than ok -- even relieved.

Moving on to another phase of life isn't always easy, and maybe there will be days when I grieve it more. But after so many disasters, I don't care to live through anymore.

Movin' on...

The Trip

I can't begin to tell you how happy I am to be in Nursing School.

It's work. Boy is it WORK!

But it's good work. It's challenging, it's fun, it's crazy, it's hard work...Did I mention it's hard work?

Our classes and experiences have three main components:

Theory: lectures that happen twice a week for a few hours a day. This is your nutrition classes, learning about death & dying, grief, kidneys, incontinence, nursing practice and process, all the book-learnin' part of the nursing world. This is part of the process of training us to THINK like nurses, through sample test questions (we use iClickers to do surveys during the class to see what we've learned).

Then there's Supervised Skills Lab, where we learn how to DO things. So far we've learned vitals and assessments, and next week we have check-offs for intramuscular injections (IMs). You don't move forward until you've past check-offs. Period.

Then finally there's clinical -- Not "clinicals" -- Clinical.

In clinical, we go to an actual facility in our community, and under the incredibly watchful eye of one of our instructors/advisors, we give care to an assigned patient and help the other nursing aides and nurses on the floor. This experience is heavily monitored, and we prepare for everything hours in advance, so we know what to look for with our patient, and are well prepared in knowing what they're taking and what their needs are.

Today my first day was at a local Long Term Care facility. I had a 92-year-old grandmother who initially I was told had heart problems and a thrombolitic issue as well. She has fallen a few times, and as it turns out, the real crux of her problems were more related to her dementia than anything.

What an experience! My patient was very sweet and let me do things I needed to do (like vitals and assessments) and I helped her to breakfast and back, then I filed her nails and just let her talk for an hour and just listened to her train of thought go and go with pretty much nothing but dead ends. She'd say "There was that time I had a job and well, the guy there didn't know but I did. It's always just so...the people were good. They were up the road, and down the road. I never did understand what they were after..." Stuff like that. It just went on forever...and I just wanted to listen to see if there'd be any pattern or lucidity, but there wasn't much.

She reminisced about her childhood a little, and loved it that the LPN who gives her her meds left a post-it with a smiley face drawn on it, "He was HERE!" she kept saying, then would mention who "he" was -- either her husband or another family member, or her son who she said died in "the war" but not sure which one. "The war was over our heads up there," she said a few times. "I don't know what that means."

"That's ok," I said. "I don't either."

Anyway, it was a very interesting day...I was glad she was continent, but her roommate had trouble, so I got to help the CNA with getting her on/off the toilet and wiping up.

Oh! And a 96-year-old lady at breakfast, who was quite lucid and well groomed, came in and talked with the other ladies at the table. When I told them who I was, she said "I like your face. You have a nice face for a nurse."

When I got home I had a few more hours of cleanup paperwork, and we go back again tomorrow.

Fascinating, fun and fulfilling. Really, I couldn't feel better about what I'm doing!

Zoo Day

School has been crazy for me of course, but today I took Nora to the zoo so we could have a little time together.

We had a lot of fun, once she got fed every hour or two. For some reason, my super tall child (now 42.5 inches tall) is hungry all the time, and she asked for food or to go home (or to go home and have food) literally every hour we were gone today!
She had lots of fun though, and I got a few cute pictures.

Today when a boy at the zoo came over and said "HI! I'm Zack! I'm FOUR! How old are you?" and Nora said "TWO!" the parents almost spit their coffee out, since Nora was looking down on their son, literally.

When I clarified that she was three, it helped...but not much. Sorry, we're growing a tower. Or maybe a silo...

School Pix

Miss Nora has been SO good at school this week. I really couldn't be prouder. She went from all day/every day with Mommy during the week, to suddenly being plunked in school with virtual strangers.

I did prepare her of course -- we watched an Elmo video about school, and I think we saw a Barney episode too about it. As anyone with kids this age knows, the key is to pump them up, explain what to expect, and then get them a little more excited about it!

Nora is going to a little school near our house, which she calls "Sunnyside" (see Toy Story 3) and she thoroughly enjoys the other kids in her class.

Today Brian went to get her on his bike with the bike trailer, and they were packing it up as the kids came out to play and Brian said how the kids all said "BYE NORA!"

She is SO ready for this -- to make friends and be around other people -- it's just been an amazing week watching her blossom and come home with new songs and projects.

What a big step for her!

I am IN!

I am very excited to say that I have been admitted into the nursing school for my RN license!

It's been a ton of work so far this week, and on Thursday a guy dropped out who was really struggling...he has a full time job (nights) and a family, and couldn't cut his hours or face losing his benefits. He just really hadn't thought it all through, and the first week just chewed him up and spit him out. I felt so bad for him, just because I talked to him the very first day and he's a really nice kid.

He came in at 8 and was supposed to be in my clinical skills class, and I saw him come in with all his stuff and his uniforms, and turned it all in. I didn't see if he left or what he was doing, but when he didn't show for class, we all figured it out pretty fast.

A couple of hours later, I went to the admin's office in charge of all the "stuff" we need and asked an inane question about not having signed in yesterday, and she said "Jules? Come with me."

So they took me to the dean's office and said they had a spot for me, and out came 12 pages to read and sign, and by noon I was registering for classes and ordering my $600 of books.

I am literally exhausted from all the go-go-go, but I am VERY excited!!

School Days

Just like that, my little girl has gone from goofball sticking her tongue out, giving me silly toothless grins and wearing silly hats to suddenly knowing she will be off to school, meeting new friends, and learning new things.

Today Nora and I talked more about school and what she needed to do at school, and that she needed to listen to her teachers and do what they ask her to do. I told her she'd make new friends and play "in the park" (the playground near school).

She's very excited about going...we'll see if she's so excited when I get her up at 6:30 to go!

For me, I have a week of school, and will hopefully get in. I'm still an alternate, and I'm waiting for word of whether or not I'll get in. In the meantime we're off tomorrow for our big adventures!

Coast Day

It started out with lunch at Mo's in Lincoln City. Nora and I took off today because Brian didn't get today off due to a leaky fuel tank in Medford at a cell site!

She really enjoyed the kites that were flying -- there were several HUGE ones -- like big-as-your-house kites. Nora liked the crab one that was low to the ground, but there wasn't anybody to tell her not to touch them. ALL of these were just anchored to the ground with these huge supports. Very fun and interesting!


Nora was FASCINATED with the waves. After our week in San Diego (where the water is a tad warmer), Nora loved taunting the waves and trying to get me to run into them. So much so that *I* got wet up to my ZIPPER and I had to grab her a couple of times to keep her from being neck high in the water.

It AMAZED me how many people let their toddlers/small children play in the waves alone. I didn't let go of her hand unless I could see the next wave was teeny!




It was gorgeous out though. There's nothing like 60* weather at the coast on a September day...low wind, the sun finally cracked around noon, and we could all go out and enjoy it!











...and sorry kid, you've got my toes!