Sunday, July 05, 2009

Footprints On My Soul

I find it hard to believe in some respects that it has been three years. Sometimes it feels more recent, other times it feels like light years have passed. As you can imagine, Nora's bright and cheery disposition has done so much to heal our hearts that it makes it hard to dwell on the sadness that hit us so hard three years ago.

And then it hit me harder today as I realized that three years ago this evening I was already going into the hospital, and Tuesday marks the date of Jacob's birth and loss.

While I revel in happiness at my daughter and her unquenchable spirit, I mourn the loss of my dear boy at the same time. Anyone who's walked a few feet in my shoes understands. There is no replacing those lost, only resolving to move forward and to make your life mean something in the face of personal tragedy.

This weekend as we celebrated the Fourth of July in Seattle, I found these earrings of tiny baby footprints at The Pike Place Market, and I couldn't resist buying them in memory of our boy. They weren't expensive, and the woman selling them was unusually kind even though our transaction took just a moment and no stories were shared.

As I read the instructions on how to care for the jewelry (it's only silver, but when something is handwritten and hand-crafted, I'll read it anyway!) and at the very end it simply says "Live with intent and peace in your heart."

That's all I can do.

We miss you Jacob. Nora holds your blanket every night, and loves the one toy that was ever yours. We love you with all our hearts.

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