This has been a tough week, a tough month, heck, a tough year.
But today is one of those days that could go one of two directions. Toughest ever, or "ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I can breathe."
Today is Big Ultrasound Day. It's the day we go to look at our baby with a perinatologist at the Big Ultrasound machine to look at our baby and make sure that everything's ok.
Most people treat the Big Ultrasound as just a chance to see if they're having a boy or a girl. But it's so much more than that. The Big Ultrasound is a Level II ultrasound done between 18-20 weeks (about midway through the pregnancy), where they measure every little thing, from its leg bones, head circumference, to checking to make sure its major organs are in place and that the heart has four of everything it should -- four chambers -- four valves.
When Brian and I went to our ultrasound last year in June with Jacob, we had no idea that within 24 hours, our lives would be completely turned upside down.
You see, we thought we had "made it". After three early pregnancy losses, Jacob was the first to make it past the first trimester. All the literature says that once you get out of that first 12-13 weeks, you have less than a 5% chance of things going wrong.
Well, we were part of that 5 percent. Last time, anyway.
When people get pregnant after a loss (and I say people because Dads are expectant too), they often feel better once getting past that stage of their last loss.
For us, today is the day.
It's 5:45 a.m., and in 15 minutes, Brian will get up and it's Garage Sale day at our house. Thankfully, we'll be busy this morning, and when we go at 2 p.m. today, we'll hopefully see everything we need to assure us that this pregnancy is on track.
I have to say I do believe this baby is ok. I just need some proof and a pat on the shoulder from my favorite perinatologist.
It's not to say that I'll truly exhale until I'm counting fingers and toes on the baby in October, but it sure will help.