Sunday, May 13, 2007

A Bittersweet Mother's Day

Today I woke up to the feeling of a gentle "bump" in my belly. My baby, on today of all days, decided to make sure I knew s/he was here.

It's Mother's Day here in the States, and today I am also 16 weeks pregnant.

It's a bittersweet day for me today. Anyone who has struggled with infertility or loss, or both, knows that Mother's Day can be a tough day.

I took the small heart-shaped urn that has Jacob's ashes in it and held it in the palm of my hand, shed several tears, and told my boy I will always miss him and never forget him.

No matter how many children you have, if you've lost one due to miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death, new children never replace the ones you lost.

And yet, this morning waking up to the gentle "bump" of the kicks of my new baby, I had to smile, because my future is in there, and s/he has no idea what a gift they gave me today. Instead of just crying, I can smile at the same time today.

And for that I am thankful to my little one.

Happy Mother's Day to all you Moms, those with children both in heaven and on earth. And for those who have suffered as I have, a gentle hug to you.

3 comments:

Sheri said...

What a beautiful post Jules. I'm so glad your Pumpkin has made their presence known today... of all days.

Remembering your son, Jacob, with you.

Tammy said...

((((((((Jules)))) you were in my thoughts and prayers lots today... so glad there was sweet with the sad. Remembering Jacob and all our babes... always.

Cal said...

S'Wonderful! I am so very happy for you!

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