Thursday, June 21, 2007

Where No Girl Has Gone Before...

Today's kind of a tough day for me.

The past week or so, I started realizing that at some point I would soon pass the point where my pregnancy with Jacob ended.

My girl this time, as of today, has made it past the 21 weeks, 3 days that my baby Jacob did last year.

I've had earlier miscarriages, and I've known people who had some much later. The hard part for each of us is getting to that last milestone of loss, because we feel that at any point up til then, the same thing could happen.

I've been told that getting past this milestone would make me feel better, but I believe I will worry about this baby til she's out where I can count her fingers and toes.

And today, I just feel a little sad for my boy who didn't make it. Up til now I've been able to compare these two pregnancies and note how much more my daughter kicks me, and how much harder. Our little girl is now passing those things, and off we go into territory neither one of us has gone before.

Jacob's birthday is coming in a couple of weeks on 7/7, and it's hard because I keep seeing that date on TV because people are clamoring to get married on that date, and it just seems to be mentioned a lot and it just takes me back in time.

I woke up early -- at 5 a.m., with my girl kicking me and started thinking these thoughts. I couldn't sleep since apparently she was up for a game of raquetball in there or something, so I got up.

As concious as I am of the pain of loss, here she is, my little soccer star, apparently as my doctor said "trying to reassure you that she's ok".

What a miracle she is.

1 comment:

annie said...

You are so right. You don't stop worrying.... even when you *do* count their fingers and toes, and get them home, a momma always worries about something.

Thinking of you as Jacob's Birthday approaches. (((((hugs)))))

Hugs to you and your little Pele!


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