I'm doing all right.
I stayed home from work and made some phone calls today. I called Human Resources for paperwork for a leave of absence, my boss to let her know I'd be out at least a couple-few weeks, and my doctor (my super-kind NP John), and a few other calls to get the ball rolling. John said he'd be happy to sign whatever we need to to get me out of work until this is over. What an incredibly kind man. He said again how sad he was to read the ultrasound report before he called (he took such good care of us those first 12 weeks). He said how sorry he was to hear this was happening to us. I told him about the great treatment we'd gotten from the perinatologist & the genetics counselor, and said how I appreciated him too.
In between the obvious, I'm at home considering painting my living and dining room. I went to Lowe's yesterday and got paint samples and have them taped up all over the place. Since we bought new furniture, I wanted to paint, then get new carpet later this summer before the baby came. I was going to hold off painting but now don't feel like it'll harm anything really, and it'll give me something to do while this waiting games lasts. It's so amazing how I just can't face leaving the house for more than a quick trip here or there to buy something like milk. Actually, I haven't even done that, but asked Brian to do it.
This morning I also worked on a baby quilt for a very special little boy from my online support group board, and I worked on pinning the layers together so I can close it up, talking to Jacob when the mood strikes me, and taking whatever phone calls I get and talking to family.
Brian and I talked some more last night and decided not to rush into anything, that we'll take this a day and a test at a time, and hopefully come up with a plan that will help Jacob suffer the very least, and give our hearts time to come to terms with it. Even though I think that was the plan before, I think it helped us both to know that we're not going to jump to action, but make this the most thoughtful thing we've ever entered into in our lives, whatever it may be. For some reason that makes me feel peaceful, and peaceful is good.
Thanks to everyone who has posted here, e-mailed and called in your support. This has to be a special ring of hell -- one of being a parent having to face giving up a very beloved child. I don't know what I'd do without you all.