Sunday, November 20, 2005

Why I Hate Thanksgiving

It's such a harmless holiday, I mean really -- most days of the week I can easily name 5 things that I'm thankful for without really having to think very hard. I'm blessed with a loving husband, a warm home, a job, fun pets and the ability to bake a mean chocolate chip cookie.

But Thanksgiving just makes me mad. Not cuckoo mad, although maybe that will follow someday.

It is the due date of my first baby -- my first loss, my first promise of parenthood that has just turned into absolutely nothing.

This year, my baby should be turning 3.

So, I've had the blues this week. I decided in advance that Thanksgiving will be spent not trying to do more than cook a non-traditional meal, watch some football, and bake a pumpkin pie for my husband. To do more just seems that I'm forcing myself to celebrate a day that in all reality, I dread.

This whole holiday season feels wrong to me. Last Christmas and New Year's, I was pregnant for the third time, and still, I have no children to celebrate with because I lost that one too.

So pardon the pity party, but I won't be celebrating much this year. I'll try and keep myself busy, I'll even get a Christmas tree, but I'm in no mood to wish happy holidays in heaps on anyone.

It feels better just to have said it here.

6 comments:

Sheri said...

(((Jules))) I just don't know what to say. I'm so sorry that your dreams of being a mother have not come true. I'm so heartbroken for you and all the other women who wanted this so badly. Lighting candles for your angels.

Melody said...

Everyone needs, and deserves, a pity party once in a while. I also have a rough time thru the holiday season and get quite sick of 'pretending'!My thoughts will be with you.

Melody said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

(((Jules)))

I'm sorry for you losses. I used to chat on iVillage with you during that time and I know how hard it was for you. Just praying that your dreams come true. You are a good person. You deserve it.

Tessa

Lauren said...

(((Jules))) Amen Sista!

My first baby would have been due December 9th -- which is also my grandmother's birthday... and neither of them are here to celebrate with me.

This year will be hard for even MORE reasons and I'm debating whether or not I'll even BOTHER to put up a tree. Bah humbug.

Katherine said...

I'm sorry Jules. November 16th was my due date for my second angel. He or she would have been one this year. It really hurts, no matter what.

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