Saturday, June 11, 2005

E is for Effort

Last night my husband and I were joking we do sometimes. OK, a lot.
He said "I love you," and I responded "But I'm SO high maintenance!"

He laughed and said no, you're not. In fact, he said, I don't have any of the problems some of my friends complain about with their wives.

Which of course, begged the question "What kinds of problems?"

"Effort," he said.

Sometimes he said, he hears from his friends that their marriages have problems because someone just stops trying.

"I think it's easier because we're friends too," he said.

So true.

I always feel bad for people who are in unhappy marriages. Sometimes they just married so young that they didn't really choose the right person, or sometimes they are the right person, but they've been together so long and take each other for granted that they stop working at making the marriage a happy one.

I have more than one female friend who feels their husband has stopped trying too. I've seen it with my own two eyes. In some cases, it's so bad that you just want to sit the guy down and SAY something, but of course it's not my business to do so.

The one thing I don't get is how people can stop trying in a relationship, and yet just stay in it, miserable. And often, the person who stops trying first blames the other for not being there.

But it is ALWAYS time to break the impasse. Saying "let's fix this" are probably the greatest words besides "I love you" that you can say to your spouse. But so few people do. Some people will step up to the plate and change, others will throw in the towel.

I've been married before. I've said "Let's fix this" only to find out he didn't want to fix anything. Towel thrower.

But I've also been married to a man for the past five years who takes the smaller problems in life and says "How do we fix this together?" He's my Brian.

There are times when things get tough for us, but we're in it together, and that makes it amazingly easy to get through. Ultimately, the only person in the world I want to go through life with is my Brian, and he feels the same way about me.

A little Effort, that's all I'm saying. Try it today.


lisabazillionkds said...

Hey Jules..would you email me at ?
THanks :)

Sheri said...

Great post Jules!! Brian is a lucky guy to have found you and he sounds like a dream! A match made in heaven... and I'm glad you both found each other

Bjørn said...

Came across your blog by clicking on 'Next blog' from my own. This is a really interesting, relevant and well-written posting! I myself am reading a lot of Venus and Mars stuff these last months. The trickiest part, I think, is to find the motivation and especially the strength to... well, actually TRY.
Hugs: Bjørn (


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